Kerstin's Blog

Hi All,

I’m back on Monday and I promise I will return your darling emails and comments.

Please also think of sending me any story ideas you may have. I am looking for anything involving pregnancy, childbirth, babies or adoption.  We love the investigations http://www.10news.com/investigationblog/index.html and any stories that can really have an impact on the community so if you know of any injustices in these categories or people who really need help, please email me. Kerstin_lindquist@10news.com

 Grace is doing awesome!  We are both growing daily and eating a ton. Though I do worry because she seems to be spitting up a lot more. When we brought her home she wouldn’t fit in any infant clothes because she was so tiny, now she is really filling everything out.  She has more of a personality and is sleeping less during the day.  I fall more in love every second.

 My biggest fears thus far have not been about her safety, I just know the Lord is protecting her with a multitude of angels, but I worry if she will like me as much as I adore her.  They always talk about the bond between mom and baby because you carry the baby around for nine months, but I didn’t do that with Grace.  I was there, for 6 of those months, talking to her, watching her, praying for her, but she wasn’t in me.  I love her just as much if not more than if she was biological, but I just worry she wont feel the same way about me. I know that’s irrational, but moms are made to worry about something! 

I will also sit there and watch her and wonder how I could ever love another baby as much as I love her.  I know I will, I already do adore this child growing in me, but looking at Grace it seems impossible to love anymore than I do her and my husband. The heart is amazing!  I will sometimes just burst into tears because I am so, so happy and overwhelmed with gratitude.  I’ve been taught that the Lord has a perfect plan (much better than our own,)  and that he wants to bless us beyond our wildest dreams.  This is completely true in this case.  My plan was to have a baby three years ago and then move to a bigger city.  Now I have almost two babies, a job I love in the perfect place, and a husband that can stay home part time with our children.  His plan is much better, and I know I haven’t seen the full extent of it just yet.

I’ve gotten most of my list completed.

* I am actually blogging from my hair appointment right now so that’s getting done.

* The social worker came by early in the week and it looks like our court date will be in the next month or so!  She seems to think we are good parents J  We are always so nervous, making sure the house is perfect and clean, the baby clean and happy, but we always seem to worry for nothing. 

* I had a massage and I am trying to figure out what I can sell so that I can get one every month, it was heaven. 

* My doctor’s appointment was great, we saw out little miracle that is kicking up a storm.  Dan finally felt her the other night, what a moment.  My Doctor.\ was talking about being thankful and happy and living the dream, and he is so right!  Our goal lately has been to live in the moment and be grateful for every little think that is happening right now.  My life has always seemed to be about getting to the next phase, the next job, the next house etc.. I was always feeling like my life would start when ______ (I had a baby, a better job, more money, you name it)  But I am realizing it really is time to enjoy where we are and understand that this is what is next.

* Tonight is date night with the hubby, and the 1^st time we will leave Grace home with someone else.  My biological father (The Marshall)

and step mom (Nana) are in town.

They are the best guests!  So, so helpful. This is the first time dad is meeting his first grandchild and while he is here he is doing all the small construction projects around the house that we have been putting off. Yea Marshall!!

* I survived shopping! Thanks for all the input.  You were all right, Pea In The Pod was awesome but sooo expensive! I saw some gorgeous suits and fitted dresses but there was no way I could afford them.  I only got one skirt there. Old Navy didn’t have much in terms of work appropriate clothes, and JC Penny’s had a very limited selection. I have decided I LOVE maternity pencil skirts. They fit great and are slimming even over my bum, (no one mentioned that the baby would be growing in my rear!)   I ended up just buying most of my new duds at Banana Republic and H&M.  I got larger size pants that I can wear with the Bella Band and a bunch of long fitted sweaters and tank tops that will look professional. I have also found that most of my suit jackets still fit with one or two buttons undone.  My last two stops are going to be Baby Go Round and Dressed to the Nines.  I am feeling much better about it all.  I am really not that vain and for the most part don’t really care how I look when I am home or on the weekends.  It’s just at work there is an expectation to look professional and I want to make sure the bosses still have confidence in me.  Also, I am much more sensitive these days and one or two nasty emails from viewers about my girth, could put me over the edge. J

* And like you suggested I am getting in some relaxation and breathing time.  Its funny how you forget to do that!

So what is going on with all the pregnant women being killed for their babies? 

http://www.10news.com/news/20234126/detail.html

Is it in the news much more or am I just more sensitive to it?  Probably both. So scary!  I plan on having someone with me at all times until I give birth.  I live in a pretty safe North County beach community and I do all the safe things like lock my car doors before I pull out of the garage in the morning (plus my wonderful hubby always walks me to the door even at 3:30am!)  But, it is still scary to think how vulnerable you are as a pregnant woman. Maybe there is a local story angle there, any ideas?

 See you Monday!

CDC: Pregnant women have higher rate of hospitalization and death from H1N1 flu; promptly treat with antivirals.

http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/guidance/pregnant.htm

Just read this! Keep washing your hands and take your vitamins.

Thanks so much for all the great responses to all my blogs! Your insight and tips have been invaluable. Please keep them coming!  

I am back on Monday 8/3 and I am trying to get myself, Grace and my husband ready for the transition. We seem to have a nice rhythm going now (most days) but I am terrified of how it will all work when I go back to work.  

My husband will be staying home with the munchkin and then I get home at 1pm and will be giving him the rest of the afternoon and night to work.  We know its going to mean alot of working and getting just everyday life things done at night when she goes to sleep.  We probably wont get a ton of sleep but hopefully she will continue to be a good sleeper and we will survive.

This week I am trying to get ahead, here is my list…

* Dealing with ALL the endless paperwork for my Family Leave Benefits (FMLA.)- Unfortunately when you adopt you don’t get the same paid time off as when you give birth but I am grateful that in California you can use FMLA to get 55 percent pay for 6 weeks to bond with the baby. The paper work here is endless, and the documents they want often don’t exist i.e. certificate of adoption – thats not a true document in CA so we have to go through figuring out what will work.

* County Home Study – We already did a comprehensive 6 month CA home study before we were allowed to adopt but now the county wants to do their own!  That means another couple thousand dollars, dozens of pages of background info, financial info, references (our poor friends have written sooo many letters at this point on our behalf – it really does take a village to raise a child.)  

This is one of those amazing friends, and Grace’s God Mother – Richelle

It means more visits from social workers and a home safety evaluation. It’s so frustrating because we have already done ALL of this.  I can understand having a social worker come by to make sure we are adjusting and the baby is healthy and such but another complete home study is crazy! It amazes me when California, and even San Diego, is in such financial turmoil that they aren’t sharing information on things like this and in turn saving themselves money, time and jobs.  The redundancy is astonishing.  

* Cleaning! – Its funny having and infant but going through “nesting” at the same time.  I’m cleaning like crazy these days.

* Shopping – I’m setting aside a few hours to go through my closet and see what regular clothes still work with the help of a “bella band” and then I’m hitting JCPennys, Old Navy, Pea in the Pod, Dressed to the Nines, and Baby – Go – Round (am i missing any?) to get the essential maternity clothes to wear on the air.  Tune in to see how I did, starting next Monday.

* Doctors, Dentists, DK hair – I’m getting all the “stuff” I’ll need to do this month done before I go back to work.  That means a pediatrician visit, OBGYN visit, vet visit (Gourdie had a bum tooth,)hair cut, and maybe, if I am really lucky, I can even get a pedicure in (before I cant see me toes anymore.)

* Cooking – OK, so full disclosure, I don’t cook. Really, I burn everything, I even have a scar from where I dropped a french baguette and it sliced my leg open (see, carbs are dangerous.)  My dear husband and friends do not let me do anything more than heat up re-fried beans.  I am the luckiest woman in the world to have a husband who not only like to cook but is so good at it! So, I will be making him a list, doing the grocery shopping and helping my husband get lunches (for me to take to work) and dinners prepped for the next week or so.

* Extra yoga – I’m hoping to get in 3 days a week once I get back to work, so this week I am going for 5 days.  I am addicted.  It’s getting kind of funny with this big belly, but the baby and I struggle through. She is always so active right after class, I can imaging I just gave her a little more room to stretch out.

* Spend quality time with the love of my life – We have family coming in this weekend so I plan on having the first of many “date nights” with my hubby this weekend.  It will be the 1st time we will leave the baby alone with anyone and go do something just the 2 of us.  Maybe a movie, for sure dinner.  If I can convince him, maybe he will take me dancing at In Cahoots ( I adore country dancing!)

* Spend some quality time with the furry loves of my life – A couple extra runs on the beach, baths, tummy rubs, as much extra love as I can give Pumpkin & Gourdie.  They are adjusting so well to Grace and its such a hard time of year for them since its so hot. They cant go out during the day and they are so tired. Just to be clear – in that picture above, that’s their happy faces

* Pay the bills/balance our budget – I do it twice a month and it takes hours!  Now its even more tricky with a husband that is consulting and a new baby.  Not my favorite thing to do.  It used to be easier with a glass of wine. 

* A couple more days at the beach – Grace is soooo happy at the beach. Mommy is soooo happy at the beach. It’s a win/win situation.  She sleeps, I read and relax.   

What else?  Anything you can think of that I should do before I return to work and my life gets super crazy?

I’m excited to see how the Lord helps me adjust and I am eager to get back on the air. I am so blessed that I have a schedule that will allow me to be home in the afternoons.  

Grace has yet to smile (on purpose) and I really don’t want to miss those little things.  The real challenge will be getting enough rest.  If I was just a new mom I could fore-go sleep, but as an expectant mom, I need to be resting for this baby growing inside of me. Thankfully my husband is great at making me take naps and helping me relax

See you soon!

You know those women who LOVE being pregnant?  I am slowly starting to embrace the fact that I am not one of them.  I really want to be, and with my history I should be the happiest pregnant woman in San Diego.  I feel so guilty even admitting that I am having a hard time with the changes going on in my body.  I love the baby inside and cant wait to meet her and I pray 100 times a day for her health and safety, but I wonder if I could choose to have her in my arms without being pregnant for 9 months, if I would? Does that make me a bad mom already? Or just selfish?

HISTORY

I tried for 3 years to get pregnant, I lost a baby and couldn’t seem to conceive again.  I went through 2 iui’s, 1 ivf and 1 fet.  My hubby and I had every test in the book.I took so many different hormones. I, at one time, was taking 2 shots in the tummy and 1 in the rear every day. Even my mother in law had to give me shots in the bum for a week. We tried every trick in the book…. Robitussin, fertility monitors, temperature taking, yoga, acupuncture…nothing worked, and even more frustrating, the doctors said NOTHING was wrong with us! We were part of that 15 percent of the infertile population that have unexplained infertility.  Bless Channel 10 for the great health insurance that covered a good amount of all of this. I cant imagine the couples who have to pay for it all on their own.

THE PHYSICAL FACTOR

The goal was, and has always been, to have a child, raise a baby together.  Share our love and our heavenly fathers love.  When we decided to adopt and were picked, I was ecstatic!  

My prayers answered, but there was a small part of me that still mourned the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to “experience” carrying a child, creating life.  

(unsolicited advice – take it for what you will – if you are going to adopt without having ever given birth, talk to your hubby (and in my opinion a physiologist) about the fact that, for a woman, part of being a parent is physically giving birth.  My husband didn’t understand right away that it was a bit hard for me to give up on actually giving life. Its okay to feel that way it wont make you any less of a mom to your non-biological child.)

POSITIVE

Then I got pregnant.  I had always said, if it happened I would be the happiest pregnant women, and not complain, and enjoy the morning sickness, mood swings, constipation and expanding waist line.   So when lately  I have been a bit more uncomfortable, or emotional or complaining about feeling fat or unattractive, I feel like such a hypocrite.  How can I even utter a discouraging word about this miracle?  I had cried myself to sleep regularly because I couldn’t get pregnant. I was so, so, so jealous of every pregnant woman I saw. I begged and made deals with God to help me conceive, how can I have ANY negativity about this pregnancy?

WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU

It’s funny to me that so many women have told me how hard being a new parent is, and I am finding that it’s difficult yes, but easier than I had expected (even with a slightly colicky baby and a bun in the oven. Those same women say that being pregnant is such a wonderful time, something they loved and again, I am finding that a bit different – this can be hard!  

SO WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

What makes some women love being pregnant while others struggle through?  I didn’t have bad morning sickness.  I never threw up.  I didn’t miss one day of work my 1st 4 months.  Indeed, none of you (or my colleagues) even knew I was pregnant until after 4 months!  

I don’t have many of the more unpleasant side effects of having your insides rearranged, tough I do have a couple (I wont mention) and I did tend to cry ALOT through the 1st trimester (once while driving through central California, I sobbed for 5 minutes over our water crisis, another time in between morning hits I got hysterical because I didn’t have money to buy pancakes,) but come on, I can’t complain….so why do I?

MY THEORY

My guess is that I was a chubby baby…they called me thunder thighs

I have been dieting and exercising just about every day since puberty and now a doctor is telling me to stop exercising and the baby inside of me is telling me to eat, eat, eat, and that is kind of freaking me out!  I struggled with my weight all my life, while also being an athlete. As an adolescent I was a water polo player, a swimmer, but I was also the chubby cheerleader.

As an adult I am a spinning instructor and yoga instructor.  

I run just about every day. Now, however I have been told to stop. I can’t even power walk!  I’ve been limited to some easy yoga. The lack of endorphins that I get could be making me even more crazy than the hormones.  Exercise for me is almost more about how good it is for my head, than the benefits it has on my body. I have always felt strong and healthy as an athlete and it’s odd that at a time when I should feel more healthy and powerful than ever – I am after all creating life – I feel a bit weak and powerless.  Maybe even more of a factor is fear.  Every ache and pain, stretch and rumble scares me.  After you have lost a baby, its very hard to not be afraid of every pain you feel.  It’s almost impossible to enjoy being pregnant when you are constantly scared you are going to loose your baby.

NOT ALL BAD

This is just a rant, most days I am the happiest I have ever been. I am so, so, so thankful to be pregnant. I still can’t believe that a little girl is growing inside me. I am so blessed to have my beautiful baby girl,Grace, and my husband

(the dogs too of course, I love how they are always creating a perimeter around the baby.)

 I’m the first to tell myself to “quit yer complaining!”  I just want any other moms to  know that not ALL women LOVE being pregnant, and I really don’t think that makes us bad moms or any less feminine.  We love our kids, we would be pregnant for 29 months if that’s what it took to be a mom, but if we could choose, maybe just 2 months would be better  

Look at that cute baby!!!!

By the way, I am back in a week

I’m about 2 1/2 weeks out from coming back to channel 10 and getting my big belly in front of that green screen.  I’m excited to get back to a job I adore but terrified of how I am going to look.  When you are a weather anchor you cant hide behind a desk like an anchor, the viewers see your entire body and the green screen can actually make you look bigger that you really are, even if you aren’t expecting!

I’ve been to Target, Khol’s, the Navy Exchange, and The Motherhood outlet and everything is baggy, comfy, or flowy and patterned!  I can’t seem to find any maternity suits or anything for a career girl like me.  

Now, I know none of you would say a thing but viewers tend to be VERY unforgiving, and I will get emails and calls if I wear a tent on the air, or any of these empire waist maternity smocks on the air.  I have a good friend and colleague, the only other weather anchor I personally know who has been pregnant on the air – Lisa Hidalgo.

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/18885930/detail.html

She works at our sister station in Denver.  She says it was hell the last couple months, viewers were just not nice, and didn’t want to see her big as a house every morning.   So I am trying to find those classic pieces now that will ward of the mean emails .

Are there any maternity consignment stores in San Diego?  Any recommendations?

I know I can shop on line, but I don’t trust it if I cant try it on.  Plus, I am on a strict budget (aren’t we all!?)  With 2 babies and an out of work husband, I need to watch what I spend on these clothes I will wear only once.  

Any suggestions?

Our little angel has been a bit of a challenge lately.  We were very spoiled her first few weeks but week 4 wasn’t so easy.   Here’s mom and Pumpkin and baby napping on the couch around 6:30 am, even Pumpking looks pooped!

We have learned that she sleeps well at night (thank the Lord,)  will sleep at the beach, loves the bath and the sound of water, and likes to be rocked (in your arms, not the swing.)  We just seem to rotate those things all day long.  Here she is with us at the beach this past weekend.  Look how big she is getting!  She’s pushing 8 lbs at 1 month old.

We are still having a wonderful time with her, and she is teaching us that sometimes we just wont get what WE want to get done that day, and that is ok. If we slow down and focus on her (instead of bills, work, the house etc…) we enjoy life more anyway.

We have had a rotating door at our house. Lots of family and friends, and at least 3 days a week at the beach.  This is me and Dan while she sleeps in the tent behind us at the beach.

This is the first grandchild on both of our sides so, as you can imagine, the grandparents are over the moon.  We have alot of grandparents, my parents are both re-married, and its been fun to figure out what everyone will be called.  We have Gigi and the Dude (his fave movie character is the Dude form The Big Labowski,) Grammy Kate and Grandpa, and Nana and the Marshall (He is a marshall at the golf course.) I guess that gone are the days of the standard Grandma and Grandpa!   This is The Dude with Grace, on that hot, hot Sunday.  She is still soooo tiny.

What are the names you all have for the grandparents? Are we the only crazy ones?  We let the grandparents pick their own names, maybe its all in an effort to avoid being considered a “grandparent.”  Though, these days, grandparents are younger and hipper than ever!

We had a great weekend at the beach with the family. My father in law – Dude – and mother in law – Gigi – were in town. We put Grace in a ridiculous 4th of July outfit that she slept in at the beach all day.

My father in Law is a retired Col. in the Army so in this pic we think Grace was saying “thanks Dude for your service.”

Interestingly enough, in our family (being ex-military) we always say that when the men are traveling, deployed, away on business, etc… that is when something goes wrong. For those of you in our military you know how true this is.  You get in a car accident, the dishwasher breaks, someone gets sick etc… always when your significant other is deployed.  In this case, my husband was away on business when Grace was born.  To his defense she was almost 3 weeks early, but the poor guy was in the air on his way to Miami when the doctor told me she was going to have to come out now!  Luckily, this was a c-section so the dr. scheduled it for 10 hours later.  My family rallied, and after major begging and rearranging with the airlines,  not to mention all the phone calls and texts, he made it to the hospital just an hour and a half after she was born. It could have been much worse.  I was the only one in the delivery room so he couldn’t have been there anyway, but he was still bummed to not be there with me for the 13 hours or so leading up to our daughters birth. This picture is just minutes after he walked in the room and met our baby for the first time. I was giving him a hard time, jokingly saying he would never live down being gone for his daughters birth!

As you can tell, he doesn’t think it’s very funny.  Despite not being the 1st person she met, Grace is definitely a daddy’s girl. He can look at her and she will stop crying.  He was made for this job, and I am so blessed to have him as my partner.

We’ve decided on a name for baby # 2 but were not quite ready to spill it yet. There is always time to change our minds.  I am back to work in 1 month (August 3rd) and I am already struggling with what life will be like in front of the green screen 6 months pregnant.  Here is a picture of me headed to the beach 5 months pregnant ( this weekend.)  It may be hard to tell looking straight on, but that baby in that belly is getting big!

I received tons of comments on the “Guard Dogs” post so here is another couple pictures of our puppies with their sister.  This is Pumpkin hanging out with Grace.

And a rare occasion with both Pumpkin AND Grace awake.  They say English bulldogs sleep 18 hours a day.  VERY similar to an infant.

Please let me know what you would like to hear more about.  I’m more than willing to share anything about the adoption, new baby, infertility, weather etc… and don’t for get to follow me on twitter k_lindquist_sd

- Kerstin

The weekend Grace was born was the same weekend as the Emmy Awards.

Even though we had planned on attending, we couldn’t have been happier about staying home in our P.J.’s,with our miracle baby girl, instead of getting dressed up and going to the show.

I had quite a few talented colleagues from ABC 10 and other stations that were nominated right along with me, so we stayed up, watched a movie (more like sat around staring in awe at our baby,) and waited for the phone to ring.

2008 was a great year from me career-wise.  I was lucky enough to be a part of the 10 News I-team and had the opportunity to do numerous important investigations.  I also had the chance to chase down important San Diego stories happening outside of Americas Finest City.  I travelled to Mexico numerous times and, spent 4 days in Guantanamo Bay Cuba, with our local military. It is because of these opportunities, and a very talented partner/photojournalist, that I was nominated for 5 Emmy’s.

My husband, Gracie and I were thrilled each time the phone rang that Saturday night.  In all, I won 3 Emmy’s!  It wasn’t really the awards (though they are pretty ) but the fact that I received them for stories that are so, so important to me.  Stories that I believe make a difference. Guantanamo Bay Cuba – how we gained access, Miracle Ranch – alleged abuse at an orphanage in Mexico, and Security at Sea- how people are loosing their lives coming across the border by sea.

To see the winning stories s go to www.kerstinlindquist.com click on “in Action.”  The winners have an “Emmy” icon next to them.

Grace is by far the best thing that happened to me that weekend, probably in my life, but I also feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have also been honored for something I am so passionate about.  

And what a story to tell Grace…. “The weekend you were born…..”

By the way, check out those pink and green shoes on Grace. Obnoxious, as can be, but we think they are so dang cute!!!