Well folks, it’s been an incredible, life-changing six months!  I just returned from Isis Physical Therapy at Renew and boy, I really had it brought home to me just how much my pain level, energy level, flexibility, and overall health have improved! Dr. Kevin gave me a great PT session this morning  & continued to loosen the muscles in my pelvis, hips, & glutes.  Then Adam totally kicked my be-hind one more time–for 1-1/2 hours!!!

What a difference from the first time I was there & I couldn’t gently pedal the stationary bike for one minute without stopping to put my head down to prevent myself from blacking out! I’m sure glad Dr. Hedayat was able to discover the root causes of  my ‘mystery fatigue’ & help me with this & my fibromyalgia.

I didn’t realize at first how much these health issues were preventing me from exercising–which is a crucial part of pain management for me (with fibromyalgia, three broken lumbar vertebrae, & scoliosis).  It also felt great to see my slimmer, more athletic shape in all those mirrors today!  Feeling great is the best reward but it’s nice to have the little ego-boos along the way too!

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Actually, I think my post from Thanksgiving says it all: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/for-this-i-am-truly-thankful/

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I had no idea when I began this journey how my life would be forever changed by this experience. As I’ve said before, I hope that you take away some tidbits that are helpful to you in your life–hopefully from all of us who were part of this Challenge.

I do hope you’ve found my journey especially inspirational, so I’ll leave you with some early posts when I was struggling with motivation & trying to establish new habits.

May you and your loved ones have a peaceful, prosperous, happy and healthy New Year!

~~Dawn

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My poor health had a major impact on my ability to interact with my family: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/reality-bites/

Beginning my coordinated health plan at Renew: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/yay-progress-d/

My 51st Birthday, and my test results which have profoundly effected my outlook: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/life-the-universe-everything-or-i-want-another-50-years-please/

Setting tough priorities for health & time management: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/workin-it/ http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/yikes-where-does-the-time-go/

Learning to adjust my thinking for healthy living & stress management: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/finding-the-one-who-is-not-busy/

I can’t believe Christmas is just a few days away ’cause we’re definitely not ready at our house!  Last week we were still resting as much as we could after the flu & now I’ve been so busy finishing up school stuff, heading down to Renew, & trying to get ready to decorate that I’ve been seriously short-changing my exercise for 2 weeks now & not taking the time for the aerobic work and the strength/mobility work.  What a big mistake!!

I’m not having too much pain, & my sciatica is better, but Friday I really noticed it took much longer for me to warm up my back & I didn’t have quite as much physical stamina as I had 2 or 3 weeks ago–Yikes! Yes, I could still ride the stationary bike for 5 minutes at level 4 (while over 80 rpms the whole time) & I did all my exercises, but I just felt I didn’t have a lot of gas in my tank, so to speak.  I had also had several mornings where my back was stiff & I needed to move around for 10-15 minutes before I felt comfortable. I’ve been walking with my Exerstrider poles several times a week so now I’ve added stretching & strength-training at the top of my to-do list yesterday & today–I need all the energy & stamina I can get!!

Fortunately it all seems to be coming back pretty quickly but I have to make sure to really watch myself & not let myself get complacent again. In the past I’ve been able to gain & maintain strength & endurance fairly quickly so I must be very conscious of the fact my body is working much differently now. I’ve been so happy with my improved physical health that I was shocked to realize I began to slide backward after about 10 days of slacking–definitely not my usual 4-6 weeks of grace!

So I’ll add this to my long list of lessons learned: I honestly cannot skip more than 1, or 2 days at the very most–especially during times of maximum stress & business–without having real physical consequences. I’ve come so far now in regaining my health that I’m definitely not going back, not even a little!  I really like feeling like my old self again & exercise is a vital part of my total health prescription so I’ll just have to keep myself on the same positive track regarding exercise as I’m trying to do with my food choices, sleep schedule, & stress reduction (yoga, recreation, & meditation).  In fact I’d been having a little trouble sleeping again & now that I’ve stepped up the exercise once more I’m sleeping very easily once again!

I guess I’m still taking Juggling Lessons and I need to practice every single day!!

I also need to report that I’m seeing more relatives & other folks who haven’t seen me for a few months & I’m still getting 100% rave reviews! Everyone is seeing such a change in my shape, skin, energy, & ‘sparkle’ (as it’s been put several times–whatever that means) that I have been feeling pretty darn good!  (The new haircut definitely helps too!)  Thanks again for all the support!  ;-D

(And please be sure to vote if you haven’t already!)

I guess I should stop congratulating myself for being so healthy while everyone around me is sick–now I’ve got it too.  Our son got sick on Thanksgiving evening with all the classic (swine?) flu symptoms: High fever (101+), muscle/joint pain, headache, & exhaustion followed the next day by lower temp, stuffy nose & coughing. He’s recovering & feeling better every day but now I have the headache, sore joints, & fatigue.  (Hubby just got sick from eating some irresistible foods he shouldn’t–he’s lactose intolerant.)  At first I was thinking my joint pain was my fibromyalgia flaring up so I’m hoping it’s part of my flu symptoms & so will fade quickly.

So today has basically been Rory working on schoolwork–his computer reading-writing-typing program, working on spelling, reading, & other quiet stuff.  I felt a little better this afternoon & made him some of my super-healthy banana bread packed with extra protein, lots of healthy fats & grains, & very low-sugar.  So he’s been happy scarfing that down with some fresh apples while I’ve been lying in the recliner by the fire, eating fresh persimmons & nuts with yummy tea, reading some good pulp fiction (Susan Issacs’ Magic Hour).

The house is, of course, pretty scary right now but I’m getting much better at not stressing out about things that are out of my control at the moment.  I choose to rest & get better quickly, then to clean, do laundry, etc.  In the past I would have worked until I dropped, become worse from over-working, & stressed out the whole time I was sick by beating myself up for not performing the way I thought I should.  Whew!  At least I’m over that self-imposed drama, & I feel much better for it!

I did have a *great* day yesterday at Renew; it almost goes without saying.  I always feel better after some laser work on my back & a great PT session & chiropractic adjustment!  But I could tell by the early afternoon that I was rapidly losing my energy & by the end of the day I was absolutely wiped out–not my usual state now (yay!).  So I guess I’ll just do the R & R thing until we’re back to normal again, which should be in a day or so.  (The house will always be there–I mean the faeries aren’t going to come & clean it for me!  Rats!!)

Well, I used to have this job, see, where I traveled more than six months out of the year.  I got very good at it, especially since I would be on the road for sometimes 2 weeks or more at a time, going from one extreme climate to another (e.g., Colorado Rockies in winter to Hawaii).  I know what to pack & how to go light.

But I’m getting ready for my son, mother & myself to take a 6-day trip to visit my Grandmother in Seattle-area, & it’s taken me forever to pack my stuff!!  I’m not used to packing supplements (pills) for 4 times a day, 4 different plant tinctures (liquid), plus whey protein, coconut oil, & such!  Once I got a weekly,  4x-a-day pill organizer, computed dosages & measured tinctures, & put everything into travel-sized containers, I was fine.  It’s all nice & organized, & totally manageable.  But next time I’ll know to allow for the extra time I’ll need to get everything ready!

One thing I’ll also take with me  is my knowledge of drop-in yoga classes.  I hope to hit one while I’m there to help me jump-start my at-home exercise/meditation practice.  (It’s only $15)  So even though I’ll be visiting family, I’m trying to build-in some ‘me’ time so I can be sure to relax.  I’ll also bring my exercise notes from Dr. Vanessa & make sure I get my daily exercise in whether I’m at the hotel, or someone’s house.  I hope it won’t rain the whole time (ha ha–this is the Pacific Northwest!) so I can get out & do some walking but I’m not going to bring my ‘walking sticks’ as they’re too much trouble to take on the airplane.  If it rains, I guess I’ll just have to figure out some other way of getting some cardio work–I guess I’ll just have to go with the flow!

Anyway, I’m still feeling good energy-wise but I’ve been having some nasty low-back pain this week. Dr. Buchel gave me a wonderful chiropractic adjustment on Monday, after Dr. Vanessa worked & worked on me.  I was so stiff she used heat, electro-stimulation, & lots of massage.  She said the joint capsule of my left hip was extremely tight & the ligament there was pulling my muscles tight & making them cramp.  So lots of stretching, working on the joint capsule, aligning my hips, ab exercises, & more to help loosen me up before my adjustment with Dr. B.

I hope I feel better tomorrow because I was still very stiff today, but in a good way, if that makes sense.  I’ll have to be ruthless about taking time for myself on this trip so I can maintain this new set of exercises because I’m sure I’ll tighten up like strings on a tennis racquet if I don’t really work on staying limber–especially with all the sitting I’ll be doing in the plane & car.

So this is one of my first trials–I’ll be going outside my normal routine so I can either continue the way I’ve been going at home, really mess up & eat lots of things that won’t be good for me or not exercise, or I can stretch myself a little bit & try to go beyond what I do at home since I’ll be in a new environment.  I know the path to true lifestyle change is little baby steps, so I hope I can toddle a step or two farther down the path that’s taking me to better health.  Wish me luck!

So, on with my quest to reduce my ever-present, high-stress levels!  After receiving my test results & diagnosis two weeks ago, I’ve been doing a lot of observation of my feelings of stress, & experimenting with ways to reduce them. I began from my continued assumption I’ve held for umpteen years: That I over-react to my environment compared to ‘average’ people & that I should learn to somehow calm my outlook, and my reactions to the normal, daily stress of life. I’ve been trying for years to find a way to do this & I’ve learned many positive, helpful calming & coping strategies.  But now, armed with the new knowledge of my thyroid & adrenal gland imbalances, I see a major part of my stress has physiological roots which then effect my feelings of stress & anxiety–not the other way around.

I’ve always been a high-energy person but as I’ve gone from my 20s to my 50s, I’ve realized my high-energy swings during each day are then followed by a period of low-energy recovery.  And the high-energy time has gradually become shorter & shorter while my recovery time has taken longer & longer, finally to where I’ve had virtually no base-line energy at all the last 12-14 years or so–& especially the last 5 years!  The only way I’ve been able to get anything done has been from adreneaine boosts that power me along in spite of my fatigue, & I finally wore those out over the last year or two. (I’m sure that stretch of time about 2 years ago where I couldn’t take the time to sleep one night a week–every week–for 11 months was literally my last straw.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 6 months later.)

This now makes perfect sense to me.  My thyroid has been underperforming so I’ve been exhausted. But I have things to do–that’s life!  So I amp myself up with fear of what will happen if I don’t complete a task, or I use lots of sugar & simple carbs + tons of caffeine.  (Triple-hammerheads anyone?  That’s coffee with 3 shots of espresso to you non-addicted folks.) What I’ve really been doing is setting in motion that feeling of panic!   Bring on that adrenaline!! I’ve become a stupendous procrastinator because I need the adreneline to help me clear my head & get my job done.  Panic–the fight or flight response–is very powerful!  It’s become my hated ally in my daily routine & I see that now because my body has become so worn out I need the feeling of panic just to get myself moving in the morning. I’ve developed an automatic stress/adreneline response to even everyday-life type stresses which is now, thankfully, becomeing out-dated.

Since my diagnosis & ensuing treatment regimin I’ve noticed such a tremendous difference in my energy level & my concentration that I no longer need to rely on kicking my adrenal glands into high gear. I’m guessing that my thyroid level has risen, along with being in better physical shape thanks to the chiropractic work, physical therapy, & acupuncture, & losing 20 pounds from the synergy of my treatment plans.   (Yay me!! Yay Renew!!)

But the most important realization I’ve made this week is the whole adrenaline-addiction thing. In the past, I’ve been either a bump on a log, or a crazy person, rushing around, busy, busy, busy, afraid to stop because I’m afraid if I sit down I won’t get up for a week.  So my biggest challenge now is to stop myself from the habit of busyness & to find a calm center from which to live & work.

I just read thought-provoking article in November’s Yoga Journal (“busyness plan“) where Sally Kempton explores the ideas of addiction to busyness & finding meditation in all work. At first I thought she referred to the ‘zen’-like feeling I’ve found when doing simple, repetitive actions where I can lose myself in the motions & feel centered & calm.  But on closer reading there was so much more.  I was really taken with her analogy of the two monks.  One was sweeping the temple steps & the other walked past & scolded him saying he was too busy & should be meditating, not sweeping.  But the sweeping monk replies, “You should know that there is one inside me who is not busy!” Keller goes on to explain:

“The “one who is not busy” is our own pure Being, the unchanging presence within us that effortlessly connects us with the heart of the universe and and imbues us with the simple feeling of basic all-rightness.  That monk was able to act in time and space from a state of stillness and timelessness, because even in action, he never lost contact with pure Being. Internal busyness comes from the feeling of not having enough time.  When you act with inner focus, it shifts you out of time bind by anchoring you in the place where time is always enough.“

” . . . as you go about your daily tasks, the [yogic meditation] lies in your intention to keep turning to the one who is not busy and to feel [his/her] steadiness, [his/her] detachment, and [his/her] freedom.  You won’t always see [the one who is not busy] immediately, but once you’re committed to looking though activity to stillness, [he/she] starts to find you. Tuning in to the one who is not busy makes your effort, well, effortless.  That’s when action truly becomes [yogic meditation] and you become like an eight-armed action deity, effortlessly multi-tasking with no sense of being busy at all.” [emphasis mine]

That’s what I’ve been trying to find!! I need to re-train my body to function from a place of centered calm, not from adrenaline panic. Since I read Kempton’s article I’ve tried to put this in practice each day–as often as I can remember to when I feel the rush of panic–& the frequency of these feelings makes me aware of just how hard I’ve pushed my body.  It’s like I’ve been at war & now I don’t know what to do now that a secure peace has been negotiated. “The one who is not busy” has definitely been in hiding for years & now I’ve got to find her & coax her out!  Each day when I find that calm place–even for a few minutes–I find Kempton is right.  I do feel calm & centered no matter what I’m doing or the maelstrom that’s whirling about my head and that centered place helps my body stay on a more even energy level, since I’m not burning up energy & depleting my adrenaline stores.

So now I’ll spend the rest of this Challenge & beyond learning a new way of living in my newly-balancing body.  As I continue to heal & gain sturdiness to my health I must retrain the neural pathways of my brain to leave behind the old coping mechanisms of panic & adrenaline & grow new pathways of calm energy that will benefit my physical health (& thus my mental health)  for the rest of my life.  This is getting a little easier because each time I can find “the one” inside me, I’m rewarded with a calmness & peace inside my healthier body that I’ve never known, & it leaves me wanting more.  So I’m motivated even more to seek the calm and avoid the panic.  I think that’s a pretty good trade for life–don’t you?

Ohmigosh!  I sat down to write today thinking it was only 4 or 5 days since my last yak-yak and I did a double-take–where has the time gone this week!?!

I didn’t think I did that much this last week  <eye-roll>  but I do remember that I:

—–Finished my lesson plans, gathered materials, & began teaching my fall classes ( Math & Science) at our charter school, Greater San Diego Academy (GSDA).

—–Did our homeschool lessons each day (yes, I teach at home too!).    ;-D

—–Setup & coordinated the field trip & drove a carpool to Pasedena on Wednesday for an Aerospace & Science out-reach day for the kids  put on by all the industry heavyweights (NASA, JPL, Boeing, Northrup-Grumman, Wyle, NTSB, etc) to show how fun & rewarding a career in science, technology & engineering can be. They also had loads of  fantastic stuff for the educators. (ME: Puh-leeze can I have one of those cool NASA astronaut pens to go with all the great teaching materials you just gave me?!)   What a fantastic time but thoroughly exhausting!.

—–Coordinated our LEGO Engineering class, materials, & lessons at GSDA.

—–Had bad sciatica at the beginning of the week & drove to Renew on Monday & Tuesday for help, along with my regular Thursday session.

—–Put in solid exercise sessions each day for fitness, & to help my sciatica & lower back pain.

—–Toted my son to his sports group, archery lesson, did housework, ran errands,  blah, blah, blah, just like every other busy parent.

And now I’m in the middle of cooking dinner & arranging a last-minute trip to see my elderly grandmother in Seattle next month!  I guess I’d better sign off so I can finish making all the phone calls to various relatives before it gets too late but before that . . .

I want to report that I was able to do all these things this week & still feel pretty good because I’ve really been following my directives from all my health providers! I’m packing nutritious snacks & lunches (with the accompanying supplements to take at the appropriate times of the day).  I’m having to fight my family’s & my own tendencies to be up late but I’m adamant about my bedtime, & so I have been getting enough sleep.  I’m cooking meals, even when I don’t have the the time!  I’m really trying to listen to my body & when I begin to feel tired I’m having a snack & a rest.  And I’m taking time each day to just chill, whether it’s visiting with a friend while our kids are doing archery or taking half an hour to sit & read or practice my new guitar.

Most importantly, I’m sticking to the priorities I’ve set as to how I will spend my energy each day & I’m refusing to let guilt from myself or from other sources push me to try do everything at once. (I refuse to stay up past midnight like I did in the past)!   I’m not Suzy Homemaker or Super-Woman! There, I said it!

I’ve been trying to make a conscious decision each week as to which days I’ll work on the house & what are my priorities each day.  So this week I deliberately decided to let all but the essential housekeeping wait until Saturday, so it’s been kinda messy around here this week.  But it’s not disgusting or life-threatening, & where I used to beat myself up I now remind myself that my priorities are my health, my family, my educational responsibilities, & having some time to see friends & relax.  Having a picture-perfect home would be nice but it’s not at the top of my priority list.  (Honey, when can we afford some maintenance help?  ha ha)

So I’ll just keep on track with my health strategy & begin to enjoy my life & my family again & if I get busted by the White Glove Squad, they’ll have to leave my demerits on the front door knob ’cause I’ll either be workin’ out,  outta here, or sittin’ on the back porch watching the hummingbirds while I’m eating a healthy lunch & sippin’ a tall (decaf) iced tea!

P.S. Oh, I forgot to add that I verified that my home scale is the same as the medical scale at Renew, so I had a very pleasant surprise last week when I weighed myself & realized that from the beginning of my challenge I’ve shed 15 pounds!  (I knew my clothes fit differently . . . )

I’ve had energy all week!! AMAZING!! I feel pretty darn good & even have been waking in the morning feeling happy & reasonably well-rested!  (I’m still having some trouble falling asleep, but not more than a couple of hours.)  This is just fantastic!! I do still get tired if I try to do too much without taking a real break, but if I’m conscious of how my body is feeling & respect that I can have a 20 or 30 minute break, & then continue with my day with no huge drop in energy.

Part of this new feeling of health, I believe, is I’m being very conscious of eating my prescribed meals & healthy snacks on more of a schedule–I think I was right in that I really can’t wait to eat until I get hungry because my energy level falls too low & I never really regain it that day.  So the ‘scheduling’ thing seems to be working pretty well.  (And I’ve lost almost 10 pounds!)

Dr. Hedayat ordered the blood panels for my Endobiogenic testing & I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks so it will be interesting to see what the results show.  I’m very aware that my newly-found feelings of mental clarity, less muscle & joint pain, & greater energy are just beginning, & so are still quite fragile.  I will  have to be quite vigilant of my daily structure & actions–to continue to protect myself from myself –& not delude myself that I’m instantly better & can now go back to my old, destructive habits.  I’m in this for the long haul!!  I want to treat the root causes of my health issues, not merely trim a few symptoms here & there, so I’m very interested in what the test results will show & what my next steps are.

But I think the greatest impact my higher, more consistent energy level is having is on my physical therapy/pain relief conditioning. Now (2-3 days per week) I’m able to ride the stationary bike for 45 minutes, throw in some intense interval training (e.g., 30 seconds as fast as I can possibly go, then 45 seconds slow for rest, 30 sec on/45 sec off for 3  or 4 sets) & still not be dizzy when I finish!! (But of course I’m sweating like crazy!)  I’m finding it easier to do the core-strength building exercises & have begun to do some gentle yoga moves along with my prescribed exercises.  And I’m using some of those specific exercises as pain-relievers when my back hurts so I’m still not popping pain pills!! Sure I still hurt–sometimes quite a lot– but I’m working hard to retrain myself to use the exercises as my first-line of defense.  And you know what?  They’re helping me to have less pain in the long run!  < DUH!! >  I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to find exercises that really work!  (Or to learn to use them as ‘medicine’ instead of just part of physical conditioning.)

My biggest challenge this week has been really painful sciatica.  Dr. Buchel has been giving me really great chiropractic adjustments & Dr. Vanessa (& Dr. Kevin) have been doing lots of mobilization & mucle therapies on my hips & low back–including my favorite, the cold laser!–so between the adjustments & the soft-tissue thaerapies I’ve felt tremendous relief!  (I’m actually sitting here typing & only have a minimal amount of pain instead of it being torture, or not doing computer work at all!)   Dr. Vanessa even had me out this week waling around the block with these crazy walking poles (they’re sort of like cross-country ski poles) that totally kicked my butt, or should I say abs & core body!!  Then I got to ‘play’ (read: sweat!) on the Wii Fit doing soccer, cross-country skiing, hula-hooping (go ahead & laugh–I dare you to do it too!), & yoga.  Normally I would have taken a week to recover but I actually felt more of a normal tiredness & just slept for about 12-1/2 hours that night & felt a good energy in the morning!

I really feel like the co-ordination of the different therapies, diet, & medicines are beginning to show their synergistic effect. And Jonathon has been giving me awesome acupuncture sessions that not only help my sciatica, but even more importantly, have the effect of bringing everything together. No, that’s not a very good description.  More like, confirming the placement of and & ‘comforting’ the newly re-aligned parts of my body–physically, functionally, & mentally.  I feel like the acupuncture helps in re-integrating the disparate parts of my being that have been long divorced,  & in the reconnection of  normal function & communication. Or I can just say it makes me feel terriffic & leave it at that.   ;-D

Finally!!  I’m getting my energy back!  I woke up this morning & actually popped out of bed within 1/2-hour, not the 3+ hours of grogginess I’ve been going through before I can drag myself out.

But really, I’ve felt like this week would never end. I can’t believe it’s taken me TWO weeks to recover from that intense cleaning/house arranging marathon!  I hate being this fragile.  But I guess it really shows how run-down I was because even though I’m feeling better than before I began my health journey, I must be mindful that I still have a long way to go to be ‘sturdy’ again.   (Must . . .  pace . . . self . .  . . . . . . . have . . . patience . . . . . . Gah!)

This last week I had extreme sciatica to boot so walking has been full of surprises–I’ll be fine one moment, then I’ll stand for 5 minutes & can barely hobble across the kitchen.  Dr. Vanessa is on vacation so Dr. Kevin & Adam really helped put me back together.  Lots of stretching, plus Adam really worked over all my seized up muscles.  I felt so much better!  (And when I got home I was even better after a hot shower & Tiger’s Balm!)  I guess some of my sleepiness has been due to the pain–it totally wipes me out.

But  today I’m feeling pretty darn good, which is very encouraging.  (Yes!  I need encouraging right now!)  I’ve been very careful to stop, have a healthy snack, & rest whenever I start feeling tired so I’ve been able to go pretty much all day.  Not a lot of heavy work mind you, but the everyday chores I’ve had a hard time tackling.  So, yay me!!

My hubby, MIL (Mother-in-law), & son are coming home tonight from their week-long vacation, so I guess my vacation ends tonight too.    ;-D    Guess I’d better pull my garlic-roasted chicken off the rotisserie, grab my mega-salad & curl up with the DVR before they get home!

Yikes!  All I have to report is: sleeping! Since my last post I’ve managed to sleep through most of each day, especially since I’ve sent my hubby & son on a week-long vacation in the Eastern Sierras.   AAAH, the bliss of a quiet house!  I can sleep as much as I need!  (I guess I must need quite a lot right now as I’m still recovering from all the major stress & over-work last week.)

Today I actually got up before 10:00 (not after 1pm!) & was ready to tackle some over-due paperwork so I worked at the computer this morning & only took a 2 hour nap (not 4+!).  Now it’s time to hit the sack as I do have a long day tomorrow.  Good thing I’ve almost recharged my batteries, I’m going to need it!

Later, . . .  my pillow . . . is  . . . calling . . . < * snore * >

I was so excited to be making progress on Friday (previous post) & then (duh-duh-DUH) I really overworked Saturday, Sunday, & Tuesday—what a mistake! My hubby,  mom,  MIL (mother-in-law) & Uncle-in-Law all came up & we worked to finish off the upstairs ‘renovaton,’ cleanup, & do major reorganization of the 4 upstairs bedrooms.  (Talk about an exhausting game of musical furniture!   Whew! )  It does feel good to finish this seemingly never-ending project but man, I’m still whipped!  Even though I tried so hard to pace myself I had folks calling me all day long from all over the house for help, direction, decisions, blah, blah, blah.

Bottom line:  Now I’ve gone back to the extreme exhaustion, dizziness spells, & muscle fatigue.  I’ve barely had enough energy to follow my food plan (it would be soooo much easier to make an organic PB&J instead of cooking &/or slicing & dicing) but I’m being good, even though it’s very tempting to go back to my old stop-gaps.    And I know that I have to fight myself to take it easy when I’m  recovering! How could I have thought I was being careful?  What was I thinking?? (My pattern has been:  I begin to feel good then–bam!  I don’t have the patience to wait for the real recovery to be complete so I plunge forward, then end up back at square one, or worse.)   This time though, I simply felt guilty that everyone else was working so hard & I thought I looked like a slug whenever I put my feet up for a five or ten minutes.  I really try hard not to let what others think of me drive my behavior, but after a while the big sighs & eye-rolling made it hard to be firm with myself & rest.

Anyway, I am feeling better after lots of rest yesterday & today & I’m looking forward to my appointments tomorrow at Renew Health.  I’m seeing everyone tomorrow, except Tina Mears, so it’ll be a long morning but I know I’ll feel better when I’m done–I always do!

I did feel much better on Monday after Dr. Vanessa worked me over (she even used this new cold laser I’d never seen before to help breakup old adhesions in my muscles & reduce pain).  I did have to really take it easy during my workout though as I felt, literally, like I was an empty shell.  (I did finally get to meet Crystal though!  I knew she’s at Renew also but we’d never connected until then.  She’s so nice & she’s really working hard–just watching her workout kicked my be-hind!)  ;-D

After my body work with Dr. Vanessa & workout with Adam in PT, Dr. Buchel gave another awsome chiropractic adjustment, then I was back to see Dr. Vanessa to get more kiniseo-tape to help put me back together.  I did feel much better after I left on Monday, & I did rest when I got home, but I didn’t rest enough & then it was back to work on Tuesday to finish the house.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Hmmm, let’s see, what have I learned?  Anything???  (Darn, I sure hope so!)

First:  Don’t let others’ expectations, or my presumption of their expectations, goad me into behaviors that I know are unhealthy for me at the time.  I am strong enough in my resolve to guard my health & if some folks don’t understand my situation then I’ll just have to live with their diminished opinion of me.

Second:  I have to watch myself more closely than I thought as I continue to recover my health. I’ve been advised in the past to look at what I think I should be able to do at each stage of physical recovery (after knee surgery, etc) & cut that expectation in half.  Then, cut it in half again.  I guess I’ll have to go back to this mindset when I’m tempted to ‘break out’ on the days when I’m feeling really good.  Even though boring, I know that slow & steady is my best plan for now.  Rats!  ;-D