Well folks, it’s been an incredible, life-changing six months!  I just returned from Isis Physical Therapy at Renew and boy, I really had it brought home to me just how much my pain level, energy level, flexibility, and overall health have improved! Dr. Kevin gave me a great PT session this morning  & continued to loosen the muscles in my pelvis, hips, & glutes.  Then Adam totally kicked my be-hind one more time–for 1-1/2 hours!!!

What a difference from the first time I was there & I couldn’t gently pedal the stationary bike for one minute without stopping to put my head down to prevent myself from blacking out! I’m sure glad Dr. Hedayat was able to discover the root causes of  my ‘mystery fatigue’ & help me with this & my fibromyalgia.

I didn’t realize at first how much these health issues were preventing me from exercising–which is a crucial part of pain management for me (with fibromyalgia, three broken lumbar vertebrae, & scoliosis).  It also felt great to see my slimmer, more athletic shape in all those mirrors today!  Feeling great is the best reward but it’s nice to have the little ego-boos along the way too!

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Actually, I think my post from Thanksgiving says it all: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/for-this-i-am-truly-thankful/

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I had no idea when I began this journey how my life would be forever changed by this experience. As I’ve said before, I hope that you take away some tidbits that are helpful to you in your life–hopefully from all of us who were part of this Challenge.

I do hope you’ve found my journey especially inspirational, so I’ll leave you with some early posts when I was struggling with motivation & trying to establish new habits.

May you and your loved ones have a peaceful, prosperous, happy and healthy New Year!

~~Dawn

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My poor health had a major impact on my ability to interact with my family: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/reality-bites/

Beginning my coordinated health plan at Renew: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/yay-progress-d/

My 51st Birthday, and my test results which have profoundly effected my outlook: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/life-the-universe-everything-or-i-want-another-50-years-please/

Setting tough priorities for health & time management: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/workin-it/ http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/yikes-where-does-the-time-go/

Learning to adjust my thinking for healthy living & stress management: http://10newsblogs.com/halfyeardawn/2009/finding-the-one-who-is-not-busy/

So, on with my quest to reduce my ever-present, high-stress levels!  After receiving my test results & diagnosis two weeks ago, I’ve been doing a lot of observation of my feelings of stress, & experimenting with ways to reduce them. I began from my continued assumption I’ve held for umpteen years: That I over-react to my environment compared to ‘average’ people & that I should learn to somehow calm my outlook, and my reactions to the normal, daily stress of life. I’ve been trying for years to find a way to do this & I’ve learned many positive, helpful calming & coping strategies.  But now, armed with the new knowledge of my thyroid & adrenal gland imbalances, I see a major part of my stress has physiological roots which then effect my feelings of stress & anxiety–not the other way around.

I’ve always been a high-energy person but as I’ve gone from my 20s to my 50s, I’ve realized my high-energy swings during each day are then followed by a period of low-energy recovery.  And the high-energy time has gradually become shorter & shorter while my recovery time has taken longer & longer, finally to where I’ve had virtually no base-line energy at all the last 12-14 years or so–& especially the last 5 years!  The only way I’ve been able to get anything done has been from adreneaine boosts that power me along in spite of my fatigue, & I finally wore those out over the last year or two. (I’m sure that stretch of time about 2 years ago where I couldn’t take the time to sleep one night a week–every week–for 11 months was literally my last straw.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 6 months later.)

This now makes perfect sense to me.  My thyroid has been underperforming so I’ve been exhausted. But I have things to do–that’s life!  So I amp myself up with fear of what will happen if I don’t complete a task, or I use lots of sugar & simple carbs + tons of caffeine.  (Triple-hammerheads anyone?  That’s coffee with 3 shots of espresso to you non-addicted folks.) What I’ve really been doing is setting in motion that feeling of panic!   Bring on that adrenaline!! I’ve become a stupendous procrastinator because I need the adreneline to help me clear my head & get my job done.  Panic–the fight or flight response–is very powerful!  It’s become my hated ally in my daily routine & I see that now because my body has become so worn out I need the feeling of panic just to get myself moving in the morning. I’ve developed an automatic stress/adreneline response to even everyday-life type stresses which is now, thankfully, becomeing out-dated.

Since my diagnosis & ensuing treatment regimin I’ve noticed such a tremendous difference in my energy level & my concentration that I no longer need to rely on kicking my adrenal glands into high gear. I’m guessing that my thyroid level has risen, along with being in better physical shape thanks to the chiropractic work, physical therapy, & acupuncture, & losing 20 pounds from the synergy of my treatment plans.   (Yay me!! Yay Renew!!)

But the most important realization I’ve made this week is the whole adrenaline-addiction thing. In the past, I’ve been either a bump on a log, or a crazy person, rushing around, busy, busy, busy, afraid to stop because I’m afraid if I sit down I won’t get up for a week.  So my biggest challenge now is to stop myself from the habit of busyness & to find a calm center from which to live & work.

I just read thought-provoking article in November’s Yoga Journal (“busyness plan“) where Sally Kempton explores the ideas of addiction to busyness & finding meditation in all work. At first I thought she referred to the ‘zen’-like feeling I’ve found when doing simple, repetitive actions where I can lose myself in the motions & feel centered & calm.  But on closer reading there was so much more.  I was really taken with her analogy of the two monks.  One was sweeping the temple steps & the other walked past & scolded him saying he was too busy & should be meditating, not sweeping.  But the sweeping monk replies, “You should know that there is one inside me who is not busy!” Keller goes on to explain:

“The “one who is not busy” is our own pure Being, the unchanging presence within us that effortlessly connects us with the heart of the universe and and imbues us with the simple feeling of basic all-rightness.  That monk was able to act in time and space from a state of stillness and timelessness, because even in action, he never lost contact with pure Being. Internal busyness comes from the feeling of not having enough time.  When you act with inner focus, it shifts you out of time bind by anchoring you in the place where time is always enough.“

” . . . as you go about your daily tasks, the [yogic meditation] lies in your intention to keep turning to the one who is not busy and to feel [his/her] steadiness, [his/her] detachment, and [his/her] freedom.  You won’t always see [the one who is not busy] immediately, but once you’re committed to looking though activity to stillness, [he/she] starts to find you. Tuning in to the one who is not busy makes your effort, well, effortless.  That’s when action truly becomes [yogic meditation] and you become like an eight-armed action deity, effortlessly multi-tasking with no sense of being busy at all.” [emphasis mine]

That’s what I’ve been trying to find!! I need to re-train my body to function from a place of centered calm, not from adrenaline panic. Since I read Kempton’s article I’ve tried to put this in practice each day–as often as I can remember to when I feel the rush of panic–& the frequency of these feelings makes me aware of just how hard I’ve pushed my body.  It’s like I’ve been at war & now I don’t know what to do now that a secure peace has been negotiated. “The one who is not busy” has definitely been in hiding for years & now I’ve got to find her & coax her out!  Each day when I find that calm place–even for a few minutes–I find Kempton is right.  I do feel calm & centered no matter what I’m doing or the maelstrom that’s whirling about my head and that centered place helps my body stay on a more even energy level, since I’m not burning up energy & depleting my adrenaline stores.

So now I’ll spend the rest of this Challenge & beyond learning a new way of living in my newly-balancing body.  As I continue to heal & gain sturdiness to my health I must retrain the neural pathways of my brain to leave behind the old coping mechanisms of panic & adrenaline & grow new pathways of calm energy that will benefit my physical health (& thus my mental health)  for the rest of my life.  This is getting a little easier because each time I can find “the one” inside me, I’m rewarded with a calmness & peace inside my healthier body that I’ve never known, & it leaves me wanting more.  So I’m motivated even more to seek the calm and avoid the panic.  I think that’s a pretty good trade for life–don’t you?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks about how participating in the Half-Year Resolution has changed my life. (My cold is gone now & I’m feeling good.)  Over-all I have a much greater amount energy & stamina, & I don’t have that fuzzy-headed thinking very often now.  I’m still having back pain, but it’s no longer a constant, crippling pain that saps my energy & keeps me completely sedentary, unwilling to get up & walk more than absolutely needed.  And I’ve lost a total of 20 pounds now, so that helps my energy levels as well.  I’m able to do more aerobic exercise now–no feelings of imminent black-outs– & can use the bike or the walking poles for half an hour now.  (I still need to warm up carefully, & pace myself so I don’t exhaust myself in the first 10 minutes, but I’m definitely improving!)  But I think the most profound changes have been in my lifestyle–for the better.

For the first time in my life I really understand, on a gut level, how my choice of food, my stress-management, & my activity levels have a very real & profound effect on my health. I truly can’t remember ever feeling this good in my adult life, and I like it!!  This is the motivation that keeps me on track when I really don’t want to cook a healthy dinner or take time to exercise (or think to stop & drink a cup of tea outside while I watch the birds).  It’s still very much a process where I have my initial (not-healthy) reaction, then stop myself to re-evaluate, & then I’ll make the healthy choice.  I still slip-up, but I’m getting better & hopefully the healthy response will be automatic in another month or two.

The really big thing though, is I’ve found out so much more about what’s going on inside my body & why I’ve been having the problems with exhaustion, stress, having the pain & fatigue of fibromyalgia–the whole gamut of symptoms that were tormenting me & preventing me from living my life as I want to. Dr. Hedayat did the Biology of Function tests on me & the  results were (to me) stunning. As he told me the results of my lab tests, it all made such perfect sense!  I’ve struggled since I can remember with feelings of low energy, so I eat lots of sugar (whether candy or fruit juice) & caffeine.   Then I get really amped up & can get a lot done, but I have to keep the caffeine & sugar/simple carbs coming.  When I stop, I crash & it takes hours (or days)  for me to feel better.  What used to be just a regular part of life when I was in my teens & early 20’s had now become a downward spiral where I was having such intense  exhaustion, at times I would practically black out for hours & sleep.

Dr. Hedayat told me my tests showed my thyroid is under-performing (even though I test withing the range of what is normal for most people).  And because of the low thyroid output,  my adrenal glands work over-time to fill in the energy gap.  That’s why I can rev myself up so high–I’m running on pure adrenalin!  No wonder I crash so hard–when my adrenal glands are exhausted & stop making adrenalin, then I’ve exhausted my main (remaining) energy source & it takes my body increasingly longer times to recover.

Years & years & years of pain, insomnia, & physical & psychological stresses have kept my body running on adrenalin & other ‘fight or flight’ hormones (glucocorticoids like cortisol).  Glucocortoids are known to have a negative impact on a wide array of body systems including, among other things, the development & maintenance of neurons (brain cells), & can cause an overactive immune system  This can result in allergies & asthma (I have both) & in a decrease in the body’s ability to fight cancer (they supress important actions in cancer cells).

So it was not much of a surprise when Dr. Hedayat also told me I have an unusually high percentage of abnormal cells in my blood–levels that are considered pre-cancerous. Now, I had pre-cancerous lesions removed from my my cervix in my 20’s, & pre-cancerous lesions removed from my face in my 30’s, so I’m really not all that surprised to find I have these little buggers floating around in my blood cells now, in my early 50s.  (Seems to happen about every 20 years, hmmm . . . )  Fortunately I’m not yet in menopause as that’s a time of high risk for female cancers, but I will have to keep a close eye on this when I do go through that stage of my life.  This is a HUGE wake-up call!  If I wasn’t already motivated to make permanent lifestyle changes, you better believe I am now!

Fortunately, I believe I’m on the right track now. Dr. Hedayat & I will make sure I get regular blood-testing done, long after this Half-Year Resolution Challenge is over. He has put me on additional supplementation to address not only my thyroid & adrenal glands (to heal them &  augment their functioning) but he’s also addressing my immune system– I’ve already been able to reduce my asthma & allergy medication by about one-third over the last three months.   Also, I’m still on the modified-cleanse diet that’s been working so well for me. Targeting these areas will reduce many of the factors that are contributing to the generation of these abnormal cells.

But I also have to get totally serious about my stress-reduction.  Stress activates that fight-or-flight cycle & pumps out the glucocorticoids & I definitely don’t want more of that!!  So I’m learning techniques to calm myself & lower my heart-rate, even when I’m up doing housework or driving.  I’m still fighting to carve out time for yoga & exercise, but I’m winning more often now, especially now that I’ve given these a much-higher priority.  And I’m getting positively fierce about protecting my sleep time & having calm for an hour before bed.

So, I’m just going to have to do my best to balance all the various demands I have on my time & energy–just like I’ve written in the past.  I still struggle on a daily basis, but I think I’m getting better at it–I guess practice makes perfect (or at least a reasonable approximation of it!).  I DO want another 50 years here!! Does that make me selfish?  I don’t think so.  I just want time to enjoy my family, friends, & my life. Being in good health to enjoy these things means I hope to keep my body functioning well enough that it doesn’t break down & cause me to cut my life short, or drastically  impact my quality of life.  I want to grow old, get normal aches & pains, & experience the functional aging of my body in ways I can adapt to & live with, just like (I assume) everyone else does.  I pray that God grants me this grace.