Well, I made it through today–Yay!          Yesterday I was really dragging & had such a difficult time with fatigue & joint pain, & then a head cold on top of it all.  But today I was able to get up at 4:30, finish preparing to teach workshops at my home this morning, & then GO SWIMMING!!   Oh man, did that feel good!!

I was actually very tired after classes today but a nice lunch at the kitchen table with a dear friend really helped me recharge. I ended taking her son & mine to the pool so they could test my son’s ‘boat’ he & hubby built (out of an old (clean) cooler, 2×4 ‘outriggers’, & pool noodle /  juice jug pontoons–hee hee!).  While the two of them had a blast paddling about & cavorting like seals, I slowly warmed up my joints & stretched & stretched & stretched.  Then I was able to do do some swimming, play games diving for the boat plug (a large bolt), & swim a few laps doing the crawl.

I swam about simply enjoying myself when it suddenly hit me: I haven’t been in the pool for over a year! As I sat in the hot tub after my swim I asked myself, Why have I kept making excuses not to get in the water? (Excluding the times when the pool &/or weather’s just too darn cold, or I just feel too darn fat!)  My logical mind tells me to do just what I did today: Get in, warm up & move, but not so much as to make myself overly sore or stiff.  Or, just get in the hot tub, darnit, & loosen up my joints & muscles that way!  But I’ve been so physically & emotionally exhausted from the stresses of our start-up business, trying to keep grown-up worries from pressing down on our 8 year old son, & all the everyday financial & personal anxieties so many of us are facing right now that I kept saying to myself, Later.  I’ll do it tomorrow.  I know I have to get back into shape to reduce my back pain, but I just don’t have a enough energy right now to blow out a candle, let alone go for a swim.  Tomorrow.  I’ll do it tomorrow.

I feel bad because my poor hubby has been begging my to take walks with him & my son keeps saying he wants to  “Spend some fun time with you Mom, not just sit around the house with you, or when you’re teaching classes!”   They both want to get up & go with me but my feet, ankles, knees, hips & back all hurt so much I can only be on my feet for 15 or 20 minutes max before I have such severe pain I have to sit & rest/nap.  I think I need some kind of arch supports &/or walking shoes but I’ve put that off too.  Not only do I feel guilty spending money but I just don’t have the energy most days.   (Boy, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling exhausted & powerless.)

But, (I remind myself) swimming is an excellent start!!  It’s low-impact & aerobic so I’m resolved to feel good about what I accomplished today–not to dwell on how far I still need to go.  I don’t remember who said this but my hubby is always telling me, “The only way to eat an  elephant is one bite at a time!” Disgusting metaphor, I know, but still very wise.

So, I will pat myself on the back for not falling into my habit of sitting on the sidelines. I will replay many times in my mind how good I felt in the water, how relaxing just swimming some gentle strokes felt to my mind & body, & how totally peaceful and zen-like it felt to simply float in the hot tub.  I feel so happy & relaxed now–a feeling & haven’t felt in much, MUCH too long a time!   

LATE UPDATE!  I got my 1st email from Renew Integrative Health & they will be scheduling my 1st meeting with them for next week–I can’t wait to get their perspective on what’s up with me!

Now, hubby & DS (dear son) have gone for a long bike ride so I’m taking a nice shower & hitting the hay.   Ah, a quiet house–bliss!!