Well, I had a great visit with my Grandma in Seattle area & now I’m home again–just recovering from lack of sleep & helping my mom & son schlep their bags through the airports!

I was able to do so much I couldn’t do even 2 or 3 months ago!!  I visited my Grandma every day & was able to have her use me for stability when she took walks, andgetting in & out of the car (she’s 93).  My son & I visited my uncle & his family on their small ‘farm’ & we helped them preserve apples, worked on the new chicken run they’re building off their coop (we collected eggs too!), planted LOTS of garlic & shallots, & stripped the last of the leaves & twigs off the grapevines to prepare them for pruning.  I was so excited that I was able to do all these things with very manageable pain!!

Really, it’s the sciatica that’s causing me the most trouble right now so I just kept stretching, massaging, doing my exercises & hip-balancing routines given to me by Dr. Vanessa–they really help keep the pain down.  Plus, uncle has a Wii Fit so I was able to do the hula-hoop exercises & other core-strengtheners that help me so much.  (Sure wish I had one of those at home . . . )   I think this is my main area of challenge now–to stabilize my lower back & the sacro-illiac joints of my pelvis.  I know when I’m taped up with the kinesio-tape I’m very stable, but I can’t go around with tape on all the time!  (Even if I wanted to, it irritates the skin if used too much.)  So I really must continue to focus on my strengthening, stretching, & using the massage ball & roller to re-train my muscles & ligaments into healthier configurations.

I’ve almost caught up on my sleep now, & will definitely hit the major workouts again starting tomorrow!  (Now, it’s time to toddle off to bed . . . )

Well, I used to have this job, see, where I traveled more than six months out of the year.  I got very good at it, especially since I would be on the road for sometimes 2 weeks or more at a time, going from one extreme climate to another (e.g., Colorado Rockies in winter to Hawaii).  I know what to pack & how to go light.

But I’m getting ready for my son, mother & myself to take a 6-day trip to visit my Grandmother in Seattle-area, & it’s taken me forever to pack my stuff!!  I’m not used to packing supplements (pills) for 4 times a day, 4 different plant tinctures (liquid), plus whey protein, coconut oil, & such!  Once I got a weekly,  4x-a-day pill organizer, computed dosages & measured tinctures, & put everything into travel-sized containers, I was fine.  It’s all nice & organized, & totally manageable.  But next time I’ll know to allow for the extra time I’ll need to get everything ready!

One thing I’ll also take with me  is my knowledge of drop-in yoga classes.  I hope to hit one while I’m there to help me jump-start my at-home exercise/meditation practice.  (It’s only $15)  So even though I’ll be visiting family, I’m trying to build-in some ‘me’ time so I can be sure to relax.  I’ll also bring my exercise notes from Dr. Vanessa & make sure I get my daily exercise in whether I’m at the hotel, or someone’s house.  I hope it won’t rain the whole time (ha ha–this is the Pacific Northwest!) so I can get out & do some walking but I’m not going to bring my ‘walking sticks’ as they’re too much trouble to take on the airplane.  If it rains, I guess I’ll just have to figure out some other way of getting some cardio work–I guess I’ll just have to go with the flow!

Anyway, I’m still feeling good energy-wise but I’ve been having some nasty low-back pain this week. Dr. Buchel gave me a wonderful chiropractic adjustment on Monday, after Dr. Vanessa worked & worked on me.  I was so stiff she used heat, electro-stimulation, & lots of massage.  She said the joint capsule of my left hip was extremely tight & the ligament there was pulling my muscles tight & making them cramp.  So lots of stretching, working on the joint capsule, aligning my hips, ab exercises, & more to help loosen me up before my adjustment with Dr. B.

I hope I feel better tomorrow because I was still very stiff today, but in a good way, if that makes sense.  I’ll have to be ruthless about taking time for myself on this trip so I can maintain this new set of exercises because I’m sure I’ll tighten up like strings on a tennis racquet if I don’t really work on staying limber–especially with all the sitting I’ll be doing in the plane & car.

So this is one of my first trials–I’ll be going outside my normal routine so I can either continue the way I’ve been going at home, really mess up & eat lots of things that won’t be good for me or not exercise, or I can stretch myself a little bit & try to go beyond what I do at home since I’ll be in a new environment.  I know the path to true lifestyle change is little baby steps, so I hope I can toddle a step or two farther down the path that’s taking me to better health.  Wish me luck!

So, on with my quest to reduce my ever-present, high-stress levels!  After receiving my test results & diagnosis two weeks ago, I’ve been doing a lot of observation of my feelings of stress, & experimenting with ways to reduce them. I began from my continued assumption I’ve held for umpteen years: That I over-react to my environment compared to ‘average’ people & that I should learn to somehow calm my outlook, and my reactions to the normal, daily stress of life. I’ve been trying for years to find a way to do this & I’ve learned many positive, helpful calming & coping strategies.  But now, armed with the new knowledge of my thyroid & adrenal gland imbalances, I see a major part of my stress has physiological roots which then effect my feelings of stress & anxiety–not the other way around.

I’ve always been a high-energy person but as I’ve gone from my 20s to my 50s, I’ve realized my high-energy swings during each day are then followed by a period of low-energy recovery.  And the high-energy time has gradually become shorter & shorter while my recovery time has taken longer & longer, finally to where I’ve had virtually no base-line energy at all the last 12-14 years or so–& especially the last 5 years!  The only way I’ve been able to get anything done has been from adreneaine boosts that power me along in spite of my fatigue, & I finally wore those out over the last year or two. (I’m sure that stretch of time about 2 years ago where I couldn’t take the time to sleep one night a week–every week–for 11 months was literally my last straw.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 6 months later.)

This now makes perfect sense to me.  My thyroid has been underperforming so I’ve been exhausted. But I have things to do–that’s life!  So I amp myself up with fear of what will happen if I don’t complete a task, or I use lots of sugar & simple carbs + tons of caffeine.  (Triple-hammerheads anyone?  That’s coffee with 3 shots of espresso to you non-addicted folks.) What I’ve really been doing is setting in motion that feeling of panic!   Bring on that adrenaline!! I’ve become a stupendous procrastinator because I need the adreneline to help me clear my head & get my job done.  Panic–the fight or flight response–is very powerful!  It’s become my hated ally in my daily routine & I see that now because my body has become so worn out I need the feeling of panic just to get myself moving in the morning. I’ve developed an automatic stress/adreneline response to even everyday-life type stresses which is now, thankfully, becomeing out-dated.

Since my diagnosis & ensuing treatment regimin I’ve noticed such a tremendous difference in my energy level & my concentration that I no longer need to rely on kicking my adrenal glands into high gear. I’m guessing that my thyroid level has risen, along with being in better physical shape thanks to the chiropractic work, physical therapy, & acupuncture, & losing 20 pounds from the synergy of my treatment plans.   (Yay me!! Yay Renew!!)

But the most important realization I’ve made this week is the whole adrenaline-addiction thing. In the past, I’ve been either a bump on a log, or a crazy person, rushing around, busy, busy, busy, afraid to stop because I’m afraid if I sit down I won’t get up for a week.  So my biggest challenge now is to stop myself from the habit of busyness & to find a calm center from which to live & work.

I just read thought-provoking article in November’s Yoga Journal (“busyness plan“) where Sally Kempton explores the ideas of addiction to busyness & finding meditation in all work. At first I thought she referred to the ‘zen’-like feeling I’ve found when doing simple, repetitive actions where I can lose myself in the motions & feel centered & calm.  But on closer reading there was so much more.  I was really taken with her analogy of the two monks.  One was sweeping the temple steps & the other walked past & scolded him saying he was too busy & should be meditating, not sweeping.  But the sweeping monk replies, “You should know that there is one inside me who is not busy!” Keller goes on to explain:

“The “one who is not busy” is our own pure Being, the unchanging presence within us that effortlessly connects us with the heart of the universe and and imbues us with the simple feeling of basic all-rightness.  That monk was able to act in time and space from a state of stillness and timelessness, because even in action, he never lost contact with pure Being. Internal busyness comes from the feeling of not having enough time.  When you act with inner focus, it shifts you out of time bind by anchoring you in the place where time is always enough.“

” . . . as you go about your daily tasks, the [yogic meditation] lies in your intention to keep turning to the one who is not busy and to feel [his/her] steadiness, [his/her] detachment, and [his/her] freedom.  You won’t always see [the one who is not busy] immediately, but once you’re committed to looking though activity to stillness, [he/she] starts to find you. Tuning in to the one who is not busy makes your effort, well, effortless.  That’s when action truly becomes [yogic meditation] and you become like an eight-armed action deity, effortlessly multi-tasking with no sense of being busy at all.” [emphasis mine]

That’s what I’ve been trying to find!! I need to re-train my body to function from a place of centered calm, not from adrenaline panic. Since I read Kempton’s article I’ve tried to put this in practice each day–as often as I can remember to when I feel the rush of panic–& the frequency of these feelings makes me aware of just how hard I’ve pushed my body.  It’s like I’ve been at war & now I don’t know what to do now that a secure peace has been negotiated. “The one who is not busy” has definitely been in hiding for years & now I’ve got to find her & coax her out!  Each day when I find that calm place–even for a few minutes–I find Kempton is right.  I do feel calm & centered no matter what I’m doing or the maelstrom that’s whirling about my head and that centered place helps my body stay on a more even energy level, since I’m not burning up energy & depleting my adrenaline stores.

So now I’ll spend the rest of this Challenge & beyond learning a new way of living in my newly-balancing body.  As I continue to heal & gain sturdiness to my health I must retrain the neural pathways of my brain to leave behind the old coping mechanisms of panic & adrenaline & grow new pathways of calm energy that will benefit my physical health (& thus my mental health)  for the rest of my life.  This is getting a little easier because each time I can find “the one” inside me, I’m rewarded with a calmness & peace inside my healthier body that I’ve never known, & it leaves me wanting more.  So I’m motivated even more to seek the calm and avoid the panic.  I think that’s a pretty good trade for life–don’t you?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks about how participating in the Half-Year Resolution has changed my life. (My cold is gone now & I’m feeling good.)  Over-all I have a much greater amount energy & stamina, & I don’t have that fuzzy-headed thinking very often now.  I’m still having back pain, but it’s no longer a constant, crippling pain that saps my energy & keeps me completely sedentary, unwilling to get up & walk more than absolutely needed.  And I’ve lost a total of 20 pounds now, so that helps my energy levels as well.  I’m able to do more aerobic exercise now–no feelings of imminent black-outs– & can use the bike or the walking poles for half an hour now.  (I still need to warm up carefully, & pace myself so I don’t exhaust myself in the first 10 minutes, but I’m definitely improving!)  But I think the most profound changes have been in my lifestyle–for the better.

For the first time in my life I really understand, on a gut level, how my choice of food, my stress-management, & my activity levels have a very real & profound effect on my health. I truly can’t remember ever feeling this good in my adult life, and I like it!!  This is the motivation that keeps me on track when I really don’t want to cook a healthy dinner or take time to exercise (or think to stop & drink a cup of tea outside while I watch the birds).  It’s still very much a process where I have my initial (not-healthy) reaction, then stop myself to re-evaluate, & then I’ll make the healthy choice.  I still slip-up, but I’m getting better & hopefully the healthy response will be automatic in another month or two.

The really big thing though, is I’ve found out so much more about what’s going on inside my body & why I’ve been having the problems with exhaustion, stress, having the pain & fatigue of fibromyalgia–the whole gamut of symptoms that were tormenting me & preventing me from living my life as I want to. Dr. Hedayat did the Biology of Function tests on me & the  results were (to me) stunning. As he told me the results of my lab tests, it all made such perfect sense!  I’ve struggled since I can remember with feelings of low energy, so I eat lots of sugar (whether candy or fruit juice) & caffeine.   Then I get really amped up & can get a lot done, but I have to keep the caffeine & sugar/simple carbs coming.  When I stop, I crash & it takes hours (or days)  for me to feel better.  What used to be just a regular part of life when I was in my teens & early 20’s had now become a downward spiral where I was having such intense  exhaustion, at times I would practically black out for hours & sleep.

Dr. Hedayat told me my tests showed my thyroid is under-performing (even though I test withing the range of what is normal for most people).  And because of the low thyroid output,  my adrenal glands work over-time to fill in the energy gap.  That’s why I can rev myself up so high–I’m running on pure adrenalin!  No wonder I crash so hard–when my adrenal glands are exhausted & stop making adrenalin, then I’ve exhausted my main (remaining) energy source & it takes my body increasingly longer times to recover.

Years & years & years of pain, insomnia, & physical & psychological stresses have kept my body running on adrenalin & other ‘fight or flight’ hormones (glucocorticoids like cortisol).  Glucocortoids are known to have a negative impact on a wide array of body systems including, among other things, the development & maintenance of neurons (brain cells), & can cause an overactive immune system  This can result in allergies & asthma (I have both) & in a decrease in the body’s ability to fight cancer (they supress important actions in cancer cells).

So it was not much of a surprise when Dr. Hedayat also told me I have an unusually high percentage of abnormal cells in my blood–levels that are considered pre-cancerous. Now, I had pre-cancerous lesions removed from my my cervix in my 20’s, & pre-cancerous lesions removed from my face in my 30’s, so I’m really not all that surprised to find I have these little buggers floating around in my blood cells now, in my early 50s.  (Seems to happen about every 20 years, hmmm . . . )  Fortunately I’m not yet in menopause as that’s a time of high risk for female cancers, but I will have to keep a close eye on this when I do go through that stage of my life.  This is a HUGE wake-up call!  If I wasn’t already motivated to make permanent lifestyle changes, you better believe I am now!

Fortunately, I believe I’m on the right track now. Dr. Hedayat & I will make sure I get regular blood-testing done, long after this Half-Year Resolution Challenge is over. He has put me on additional supplementation to address not only my thyroid & adrenal glands (to heal them &  augment their functioning) but he’s also addressing my immune system– I’ve already been able to reduce my asthma & allergy medication by about one-third over the last three months.   Also, I’m still on the modified-cleanse diet that’s been working so well for me. Targeting these areas will reduce many of the factors that are contributing to the generation of these abnormal cells.

But I also have to get totally serious about my stress-reduction.  Stress activates that fight-or-flight cycle & pumps out the glucocorticoids & I definitely don’t want more of that!!  So I’m learning techniques to calm myself & lower my heart-rate, even when I’m up doing housework or driving.  I’m still fighting to carve out time for yoga & exercise, but I’m winning more often now, especially now that I’ve given these a much-higher priority.  And I’m getting positively fierce about protecting my sleep time & having calm for an hour before bed.

So, I’m just going to have to do my best to balance all the various demands I have on my time & energy–just like I’ve written in the past.  I still struggle on a daily basis, but I think I’m getting better at it–I guess practice makes perfect (or at least a reasonable approximation of it!).  I DO want another 50 years here!! Does that make me selfish?  I don’t think so.  I just want time to enjoy my family, friends, & my life. Being in good health to enjoy these things means I hope to keep my body functioning well enough that it doesn’t break down & cause me to cut my life short, or drastically  impact my quality of life.  I want to grow old, get normal aches & pains, & experience the functional aging of my body in ways I can adapt to & live with, just like (I assume) everyone else does.  I pray that God grants me this grace.

Well, I guess the upshot of cheating (& eating foods that my body is sensitive to right now) is feeling like doggie doo.    :-P   I’ve got those black circles back under my eyes again, I’ve got a sore, scratchy throat, swollen glands under my throat, & I just want to sleep for a day or two.   I woke up like this on Monday & still haven’t been able to shake it.  I guess I need to spend a day just resting–after I go have my bowl of home-made chicken soup with cayenne pepper that’s waiting for me right now!  Yum!!

I’m gonna be such a good girl & stick to what I know is best for me right now!  So I guess I gotta make sure that my dinner’s ready & I’m not hungry when I make goodies for my son & have some kind of good-for-me-yet-delicious-snack available to nosh on after. <  Curse you banana bread!  Why do I have to make you so yummy!! >

OK, there.  I admit it!  I’ve been sooooo good & haven’t even been tempted all that much, but today was the true test & I failed.  < sigh >

This morning my son begged me,  ”Make me some of your delicious banana bread Mom!  Puh-leeeze!?”  So of course I did.  But I had a hard time not scarfing down spoonfuls of dough & licking every molecule off the spoon & bowl (as is my wont).  Oh, it smelled soooo good!  < eye-roll >  So I licked a teeny-tiny smidge off the end of the psoon & said, OK.  Now I’m done.

But it was not to be so.

I was cooking dinner, I was starving.  Definitely NOT a good state of being!  I had been smalling the fantastic aromas of roasting chicken & yummy banana bread for an hour & a half.  And while I waited for the rotisserie chicken to finish cooking, it was time for the bread to come out.  I realy tried but I just couldn’t help myself from picking at the fragrant loaf of warm spicy bread sitting right under my nose!  I must have eaten 6-8 mouthfuls all together . . .

Now I know having a few mouthfuls of banana bread isn’t the end of the word (& it’s certainly not going to make me fat–if that’s what concerns me) but it’s certainly not good for my health right now.   A major reason I’m feeling more energetic, & not having the bouts of extreme exhaustian to where I almost black out, is the diet I’ve been on (along with the detoxifying supplements).

I’ve been so careful to stay away from any refined sugars, all grains (except the occasional dab of brown rice), & stick to my regimen of 3 serving of healthy animal protein per day (one at each meal), LOTS of fresh veggies, & fruits in moderation & eaten with a few nuts.  This has helped me feel better & better!  So I hope falling onto the baker’s wagon won’t have any side effects tomorrow!