I really do have to watch what I eat and when I eat it. Today I didn’t eat breakfast until I’d been up for almost two hours working & then only remembered to eat because I was getting foggy minded & shaky.  Then I scarfed 5 walnuts and ate about 2 cups of cherries.  Of course I ran out of energy/brain power in about an hour and a half so I had a few more nuts and a plum.  Again, fuzzy & tired in 1.5 hours.  By now it penetrates that I need some serious protein, not this ‘fast food’ pattern I’ve fallen into again. (see my previous post, Chasing Time.)

So I pry myself away from the computer where I’ve been stuck with bills, business, & other boring stuff & get ready to cook myself a nice veggie omlette.  But just then my 8yr old comes powering into the kitchen & wants to make me a healthy breakfast because he knows I’ve been working hard.  His idea is to make me a power smoothie so he puts non-fat vanilla yogurt, unsweetened cocoa, & a dab of milk into the blender.  I also put in a few teaspoons of fermented soy powder to add some extra protein, and 2 bananas.  Tasted pretty good & I drank about 2 cups, but again no energy in a couple of hours.

This time I’m dizzy, foggy-minded, & exhausted.  My body is really showing me what it likes & when I don’t listen, it whacks me down hard. So I finally sat down & ate three hard-boiled eggs, a giant handful of cherry tomatoes, & small handful of baby carrots.  Sat down in the recliner & took a nap when I was done eating.  Better . . .but still not that good. I managed to get through the rest of the day with some nuts, a banana, & yogurt with blueberries,  plus I’m finishing another ’super salad’ as I blog (again, see previous post).  Unfortunately by the time I finished cooking the chicken/prepping the veggies, my left leg was so numb I had trouble walking to the computer–standing really gets to me right now.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a good meal–honest!!  Just watch me at Thanksgiving, or when I get the baking bug.   But most of my life I’ve thought of food as merely fuel (I’m not a picky eater), or as a reward/energy boost.  I’m so used to trying to ignore back pain that other body signals like hunger are sometimes something I just don’t notice until it gets critical.  (My friends are falling down laughing right now!  I’m known to walk into a store so hungry that I’ll aimlessly walk up & down the aisles like a zombie, almost unable to choose something to eat.  Crazy, huh?)

So I definitely learned (or re-learned) three very important things today:

• Eat proper meals with meat or eggs–yogurt doesn’t do the trick
• Eat breakfast within 1/2 hour of waking
• When I’m so exhausted/fuzzy, I’m not using my muscles to support my back–Ouch!

This time the knowledge is coming to me at a time when I’m putting it into proper context.  I’m really beginning to understand how this pattern of making food a time-waster in my mind has caused me to develop some very unhealthy eating habits–even though the foods I eat are, in and of themselves, generally pretty healthy.  Well, tomorrow is another day!

I’ve been eating lots of healthy, yummy salads over the last few days & I realized another roadblock that’s been in my way: TIME!!

It takes time to make a salad, even when you buy bagged greens & cherry tomatoes–no cutting.  What with all the other  prep for all the veggies I like it takes me at least 10 minutes.  Then it takes me at least 1/2 hour to eat one (I’m a very slow eater).  So while I was steadily eating a marvelous blend of spring greens, romaine, baby spinach, carrots, cucumber, red cabbage, red onion, an entire red bell pepper, & a large handful of cherry tomatoes (lots of red foods!)  a grilled half of skinless chicken breast (chopped), topped with a smidge of Italian balsamic vinegar/olive oil dressing, I had a revelation.  (And yes, I know I make extravagant salads, but YUM!)

So as I was chomping happily away, it suddenly hit me: With the extreme time crunch we’ve had here for the past 3-4 years I don’t make salads that often because it’s so time-consuming.  I’ll get salads when I’m out or at someone’s house–no cheese, heavy dressings, croutins, greasy stuff–but I might make a salad st home once a week, if that.  Plus,  much of the time I’m literally on the move in the car, between teaching sessions, or just cleaning the house & yards.

When I really think about it I still try to make healthy choices, like non-fat yogurt topped with frozen fruit and a few walnuts, or a piece of fruit with an organic, low-glycemic whole-food protein bar, but I choose these types of things most of the time because they’re fast & I realized this sort of fast food has become the norm of my daily diet, not the occasional thing as it should be.

Now I have to make time for:

1. Time to stretch & exercise
2. Time to relax (some ‘me’ time with no work allowed)
3. Time to prepare healtheir food
4. TIme to eat the healthier food
5. Time to clean the kitchen after preparing said healthier food

Whew!  Talk about changes.  Looks like it’s time for me  to figure out how to do this!!

I had an eye-opening physical therapy session today.   In all the many times I’ve been through PT I’ve never been taped up–on my torso!

Even though my posture is better overall, I was still having major cramping & pain in one muscle on the right side  of my back after my ‘attack of the tummy’ Thursday night.  (Friday & Saturday that muscle was so sore I had to really stretch to get moving.)  So after Dr. Vanessa worked on the muscle until I wanted to cry uncle, she did a novel (to me) therapy–she taped my stomach & lower back.  Weird, but boy does it feel good!!

First she watched me walk, then she carefully & scientifically taped one muscle group at a time, having me walk & move between each application.  When I stood for the last time I was shocked, & so was everyone else!  I have a mild scoliosis (my spine has an S-curve from side-to-side) & after the taping when I looked in the mirror I was straighter than I can ever remember being!!  I couldn’t believe the change, or how good I felt. Thanks Dr. Vanessa!!

When I got home my 8yr old son saw my tape  & laughed, “Ha Ha mom, now you’re a mommy mummy!)  It’s really only two tapes on one side of my abdomen & several down each side of my spine, & across my lower lumbar/sacral area, but who wants to ruin a good joke?

Well, I definitely feel better today! (Sunday) Even though I slept late this morning, when I got up I could stand & stretch! I’m still pretty stiff in the low back/pelvis but SOOO much better. I stretched for a few minutes & I was ready to go.

I was able to do almost three hours of work around the house & garden, being careful not to over-work my back (a past pattern of mine).  Around lunchtime I did have another ‘I’m so tired I’m passing out’ episode & I took a 2-1/2 hour nap,  but then I was up again & felt ready to go do more!  This is definitely progress.

I think the biggest change I’ve noticed over the past few days is that I’ve been hardly drinking any coffee or tea!  (Those of you who know me can pick your jaws up off the floor now.)  I’m usually the gal with a big mug in my hand most of the day–it’s the only way I’ve been able to keep myself on my feet & reasonably clear-headed.  But now I feel a more natural, ‘calmer’ sort of energy, if that makes any sense.  Today I never drank even one cup of green tea and I didn’t  notice until dinnertime!  This is amazing! I’m not having physical cravings for carbs either, just more of a  reflex kind.  I trimmed the the crusts off my son’s sandwich & almost ate them–but instead our dog Jay Jay performed the time honored role of clean up crew.  Whew!

I’ve had so many changes going on with my body over the past week it’s been hard to take time to post an update!!  (Or to sit for very long–my lower back has had me in knots at times.  Fortunately I feel much better now!)  So, where to begin?  I’ve had a very busy six days at Renew Integrative Health Center . . .

First, I had recommendations last week from Jonathon Dodds, L.Ac on eating lots of red foods to boost my intake of fresh antioxidants and other natural nutritional factors, along with changing my iron supplement.  I immediately did both that afternoon and this week I’ve already felt some difference in my energy level and was able to reduce both the allergy and antacid medications I’m taking. Yay!!  Thanks Jonathan!

I also had a meeting last Saturday with Tina Mears, MFT on the obstacles standing in my way of meeting my goals & how to overcome them.  She helped me strengthen my resolve to put time for myself at the top of my daily to-do list. As a wife, mother, educator, and back-up for my husband’s business I end up at the bottom of my list unless I hold my ground and insist on time to do my exercises & prepare healthy meals (sometimes two–one for me & one for them), as well as time for my various treatments at Renew.  I had already begun to carve time for myself but Tina really reinforced how necessary this is for my health–and the health of my family.

Then on Monday and Tuesday I attended two seminars at Renew: One given by Dr. Kamyar M. Hedayat, M.D. on the biological (endocrine) interactions between my mood, the foods I eat, and how these profoundly effect my overall health; The other, given by  Dr. Robert Buchel, D.C. was on the importance of ridding my body of accumulated toxins from my years of over-the-counter pain medications (which I take in high doses), various prescription drugs, and (like Dr. Hedayat’s lecture) the constant cravings for sugar and simple carbs (read: pastry, cakes, bread, chocolate).

These seminars really helped me understand the chains of  biological reactions that are happening within my body and gave me tremendous encouragement! Now I understand why I’ve been feeling such profound exhaustion, light-headedness, fuzzy thinking, and muscle/joint pain.  But even more importantly, this knowledge has expanded my understanding of the interactions between my liver, pancreas, gall bladder, digestive system, brain/mood, hormonal/chemical reactions that drive and serve these structures & their individual processes, & much more.   And this knowledge is extremely helpful in my understanding the approach of the doctors here at Renew.   (I guess I need to understand the scientific basis for everything–even treatments like acupuncture have scientific language that can be accurately applied.)

So, I began my physical therapy Wednesday with Dr. Vanessa Jackson, D.P.T and Adam in the PT suite & boy, did they get my body moving!  Not to say I was running & sweating–they were working hard to unlock my stiff muscles & joints, work on my posture, & go through a stretching & limbering routine for me to do daily at home.  I’m sure glad they have this awesome whirlpool table (trough-shaped table filled with a warm ‘waterbed’ that has whirlpool jets pulsing underneath)–aahh!  Pure heaven for the stiff body!  All this helped me tremendously.

Wednesday I also had my second chiropractic adjustment with Dr. Buchel and he really worked, adjusting my joints from the base of my skull all the way down to my feet!  My spine, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands, pelvis, hips, knees, & ankles were checked & adjusted if needed.  Now I was walking much better, although my body wasn’t quite sure what to do!  I actually had to be conscious of my movements as my normal pattern of walking had changed & if I wasn’t careful I felt I might stagger sideways.  Fortunately, my body acclimated quickly & the awkwardness passed in a few minutes.

Finally on Wednesday, I had a full history & examination with Dr. Hedayat. When finished I was so gratified & relieved when he explained that many of the destructive cycles he had spoken of (in his seminar on Monday) were ongoing in my body & causing much of my ill-health.  After being told my HMO they couldn’t find what was wrong with me & I would ‘just have to live with it’, I was excited to have an actual diagnosis & to start a course of action to begin healing!  The most important thing Dr. Hedayat told me was I need to rest my liver, gall bladder, & pancreas right now.

So for the next month or so I will avoid all starchy carbs like pastry, bread, potatoes, rice, pasta, & sugar.  (Waa!  Bye-bye chocolate!)  Along with the dietary changes recommended by Jonathan & a few detoxifying supplements, I will eat animal protein with each meal, have lots of vegetables, & before I eat any fruit I will eat 3-4 almonds or walnuts to aid the digestive process.  I will also snack on whole eggs (I like hard-boiled) & of course, drink plenty of water.  I will miss my bread & rice especially but I can do this for a month, or even two if needed.  I understand why I need to do this so I’m not seriously tempted cheat. (But I’ll be glad when I can have some Arroz con Pollo or fresh, whole-grain bread again!)

Then on Thursday I was able to get up in the morning and actually stand up straight & walk without shuffling about!  I look in the mirrior–GASP! My shoulders are back, my pelvis tilted correctly–I look like I just lost 10 pounds overnight!  Thanks Dr. Vanessa, Adam, & Dr. B!!

I’m so grateful–and motivated!!  I’ve never before had all these issues brought together by one person, or group of people working together. Now, having concrete knowledge and a plan for action is the key to my new-found determination.  Before, I was always aware that each practitioner was separate and many times their individual recommendations were incompatible in varying degrees.  The lack of coordination between each modality left me with many doubts.  I would have difficulty trying to pick and choose what parts of which programs to do, and my guesswork was never very useful or satisfying.  Now I have a terrific group of people who are extremely well-trained, have a wealth of experience in their fields, and truly want me to succeed.  Their good humor & grace has already shone through & I know they will be of tremendous help when I hit those stumbling blocks, as surely I will.

Unfortunately, on Thursday I was exhausted all day after my action-packed Wednesday (including 1-1/2 hour traffic each way!).  Then, as I was feeling better, I  had some sort of stomach/digestive crisis that night.  Whether it was food poisoning, a 6 hour flu, or the grocery store rotisserie chicken was too greasy, I don’t know.  But I ended up on the floor for 3-4 hours with pains in my right side like I’ve never felt before.  After ridding myself of that which offended my body, the pain slowly subsided & I was finally able to go to bed about 3 am.

Friday I had to cancel teaching workshops after being up all night but I finally felt well enough to head down to Renew again where Jonathan gave me acupuncture which really helped soothe & calm the last feelings of pain & nausea.  Then Dr. Buchel gave me another comprehensive chiropractic adjustment after a soothing heat treatment.  Then, some gentle stretching on the traction table & I felt pretty good!  (I did cancel my Physical Therapy session though.)  But I headed over to The Broken Yolk & had a terrific 4-egg omelet with tons of veggies & herbal tea (no honey!).  I did look wistfully at the yummy blueberry muffin, but I was good & took it home for my son.  Then I came home & slept like the proverbial log all afternoon, night,  & late this morning (Saturday, I’m just up really late–yikes! It’s 12:59 am on Sunday morning!)

But I do feel much better today.  My muscles are a bit sore but nothing major.  My right side is still tender inside, but I’m fine with eating from my approved list.  I’m standing straighter & I did some stretches; tomorrow I’ll do my full PT routine of assigned stretches & limbering exercises.   Boy, it feels great to start feeling good again!!  Thanks everyone at Renew!

It’s been a few days since I posted but I wanted to wait until I’d seen (almost) all the practitioners at Renew Integrative Health Center. I’ve felt so down after the whole beach trip thing, I’ve been hoping even more than before that the folks at Renew will have some real help to offer me.

I have familiarity with chiropractors, physical therapists, accupuncturists, massage therapists, & such & I know how each of these has helped me in the past.  But I also know that like in any profession there are quality practitioners & there are those who are much less so.  I’ve also found that M.D.s are usually very dismissive of other healing modalities, & many times the other folks can be equally dismissive of western medicine & be equally closed-minded.  I knew they said they were all working together at Renew but I’ve heard that before; I didn’t know what I might find when I got there.

After several visits this week I can honestly say I’m extremely excited to find friendly,well-trained practitioners working together in a comfortable, well-outfitted, upscale environment. Now that I’ve met all the folks I’ll be working with & gone through their evaluations I’m so energized I can’t wait to get started!  (Actually I’ve already started by making some changes in my diet on the recommendation of the accupuncturist, Jonathan.)

So I’m signed up for two wellness seminars on Monday & Tuesday nights, & start my actual program on Wednesday!  I know I’ll be making some big changes in my life(style) but I’m ready, more than willing, & able to do everything I can to make a healthier life for myself!

I just can’t wait for my first appointments today at Renew Integrative Health Center. Yesterday I felt like a bug on the windshield.

I just wanted to do a simple thing, take my 8yr old son Rory to the beach. People do this all the time, right? I used to take him any time, & pull a wagon full of kids, toys & a cooler too!  But late yesterday afternoon I packed as light as I could & off we went to the beach, knowing I wasn’t up to carrying such things right now.  So I took a small water bottle, two towels, & tied my spare car key into my shorts.  Rory carried his bag of snorkeling gear & off we went.

We had parked about 4 blocks from the water & much of the way we walked over tidal mud flats.  While he ran around as only 8 year olds can I limped along, struggling to maintain a steady pace behind.  Each step began to hurt from my heels to my shoulder blades, with the pain steadily increasing until it was all I could do not to cry out.  When we finally got to a good spot I was grateful to sink down on the sand to watch him play.  While he tried to entice me to come play in the waves I just sat on the beach & tried not to sob with pain & frustration.  Here I sat, a stong woman who went through 30 hours of natural childbirth, reduced to tears by a walk at the beach. I wanted to run & swim with Rory but he knew I wasn’t up to it so he played games & clowned about to try to make me laugh.  He’s such a good kid!  So I sat there & choked back tears & yelled encouragements to him until the sun went down.  Then we wrapped up in the towels & packed up for the (dreaded) walk back.

By now I was hurting so much I was literally in survival mode. As I limped more & more, putting on foot in front of the other, I couldn’t allow myself to think about how far away from the car we were.  Rory knew I was feeling bad & he was pretty quiet as we went along.  The pain increased past anything I’ve felt while walking before, & then added in burning fire shooting up both legs just for good measure.   I was so exhausted I was literally staggering.  I thanked God with all my heart when we finally made it to the car.

When we got home I took six Aleve, had a shot of vodka, took a hot shower, & my dear, sweet, loving hubby rubbed my whole back with Tiger’s Balm.  Then I simply lay down on the couch with my family & vowed: I will get better, no matter what it takes!!  This is not the life I want, or the life my family deserves!   I will change my life!!

Well, the more I blog the more I’m realizing how I’m going to have to get back to a very firm grasp on my time management.  There’s no way I’m going to be able to make the changes I have to if  I can’t seem to figure out what it my problem is!  What’s up with me anyway?!   I’ve run my own profitable business from age 14, successfully attended college & university, had numerous jobs where I’ve worked very  & traveled solo more than half the year while completing my various duties, & I’ve been assigned many times to design or streamline department procedures.  Then WHY oh why is it so hard for me to juggle my life now?! The wife & mom thing has such an emotional component for me that I seem to not consider my own needs during my waking hours.  (That’s so hard for me to type, & to face–I feel like such a wimp!  But if I’m not truly honest with myself there’s no way I can make true changes in my life.)

And yes, I really do believe that making changes in your life starts with an awareness of the thing(s) you want to change.  Then you have to work very hard putting the change(s) you want to see in yourself into practice. Personally, I find it can be very helpful to understand why I do some of the things I do as it can help weaken my desire to do the thing I want to stop.  But the hardest part for all of us in making changes in our lives is to actually put the new behaviors or attitudes into constant practice! And we have to keep on doing them until they become second nature and actually become part of us!  (Oh, if it was only as easy to do as it is to write.)

Today (I’m writing late Friday night)  I feel like I do much of my time–as though I’m always exhausted, hiking up a hill with the top just a short distance ahead on the trail & all I have to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I reach it–then everything will get easier.  As soon as I finish  <<insert chore/job description here>>,  then I’ll have time to spend on myself & exercise & address my health.  Then I’ll have time again to read books for pleasure, watch a movie or a few TV shows of my own, or to ride horses.  Then I’ll have time to do anything else I’d like to do because I have leisure time.  (Oooo, it sounds so decadent & sensual when I say it–leisure time.  The last time I had any was when I was pregnant, & before that almost 20 years ago!)

I guess that’s the big thing I’ll be so grateful for when our business is generating more income because I see money as something that can help to ease some of the stresses we have in life–it can buy leisure time.  Right now, lack of spendable income is a major motivator for so much of what hubby & I do–we do whatever ‘it’ is ourselves to save money.  I believe that’s basically a good thing but we’ve had to carry it to extremes for way to long.  I mean, I’d dearly love to have someone help me with the heavy cleaning  again, or assist me in re-organizing the garage, my office, & homeschool supplies.  I just become so physically exhausted when doing the same stuff millions of other people seem to do with no problem, that it’s  very discouraging to me.

Well I just went back & read what I wrote–Yikes!!   I’m not trying to be a downer (or whiner!) but I feel I’ve succeeded admirably.     I guess I’ve just felt like the mountain of work around here is endless!  I got that cold last Friday & went to sleep, then woke up & it was Tuesday!!  Poor hubby’s working such long hours he drags himself home, has a shower & dinner, then hits the sack.  He’s been great vacuuming & mowing the lawns for me though, even when he’s so whacked he’s walking around in a stupor as he knows how those chores really kill my back.  And like every mom, I had to plow through mountains of cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping,  & laundry while sick (& before myhome was ready for my friends & I to teach classes here this morning).   And now I have to be up at 6:00 am again, even though it’s almost midnight now.  Boy!!  Am I ever ready for a shower & beddie-bye!  For a week!!!

Now hold on a minute!  Now I’m going to stop this & focus on the positive things I’ve been doing!!  (Notice the behavior you want to change, then make the change.) I am proud of myself that I’ve been stretching every morning when I get up, & this definitely helps my mobility.  Instead of shuffling about for 10-15 minutes it’s only about 5 or so that it’s really bad.

And, since I found out I’d been chosen to participate in Ch10’s  Half-Year Challenge, I’ve really motivated to eat even healthier than usual!!  Don’t get me wrong, I still grab a salad or grilled chicken sandwich at the local drive-through with my 8 year old son, but I do eat 1-5 pieces of fruit per day, lots of veggies, whole-grain/ sprouted wheat  bread & bagels, lots of rice, beans & lentils, much more chicken & fish & little red meat (although I  love BBQ & carne asada), I drink lotsof water every day, & about 1-3 glasses of wine or beer a week.  Usually when I feel so bad physically, I over-indulge in chocolate (isn’t that one of the four major food groups?) and pastries.  Not now though!  I still have a few bites of chocolate or pastry, but I’m not eating gobs of this to give me the energy I need to get though the day like I was before.  Now when I get that totally exhausted, light-headed feeling & begin to get dizzy & have difficulty staying awake I have a small glass of juice, followed by a balanced mix of protein & ‘healthy’ carbs (whole grain, low-glycemic), then some coffee & an apple for dessert.  I’ve always felt better when I eat foods that minimize swings in blood sugar, even though I’ve never tested positive for any sort of diabetic- or pre-diabetic condition.  So I will be proud of myself for choosing to eat what is good for me & for actually being comfortable with the reduction of my emotional comfort foods.  Making good choices in my life feels good!

So I’ll pat myself on the back for choosing not to dwell on my sense of futility & to focus instead on my sense of optimism about my future health, & for my small steps toward my healthier self. I’ll keep remembering that I must cut my goals into manageable pieces, & even smaller pieces if I need to, but the important thing is to take those first baby steps & keep on going.

And I’ll remind myself that as my cold goes away I’ll get a better attitude back.  It’s so hard to feel like I’m ready to get up & go when all I want to do is to lay down & sleep!

Boy, it’s sure hard for me to stick with a plan some days!   Yesterday I’d planned on a yoga class with my 8 year old son but now he was the one with the bad cold so I ended up staying home and catching up on the piles of housework and chores that were neglected while I was sick over the weekend.   Between tending a sick kid, laundry, and urgent phone calls/emails it was almost 8:00 pm before I even realized it!!

But I was stopped in my tracks by a good call–Lauren from Renew Integrative Health Center.  She’s been assigned as my patient advocate & will be working with me to coordinate Renew’s services & practitioners.  Whew!   I have appointments scheduled next week to see the Physical Therapist, Chiropractor, Accupuncturist, & MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist), and will have an appointment in the next week or so with the MD to do blood tests and other lab work.   Together we’ll map out a treatment plan to address all my medical issues, from strengthening and mobilizing my spine to stress-reducing excercise & meditation.  (And numerous other modalities, I’m sure!)  ;-D

So on one hand, I’m bummed that all I got in was a quick stretch yesterday & I’m very stiff this morning, but then I did reduce my stress by knocking off a lot of things on my must-do list.   ( rationalize, rationalize )   And of course I was excited to be able to get things rolling with the folks at Renew!!  Now I really feel there’s a plan taking shape, & that’s a great stress-reducer too!   (Can you tell I crave order?   <grin>    Probably because our life has been very fluid for years while we’ve done the research & development for our start-up, & then worked to get it off the ground.)

So, instead of being down on myself, I’ll decide to learn from yesterday:

-  Get that timer for the office to make myself get up & stretch !!!!  (Didn’t I say that before?  Oops, I’ve got to get to the store so add that to my list . . . )

-  Completing tasks is good–it reduces stress–but it’s bad when that’s all I’m      doing.  ( . . . must . . . take . . . breaks . . . )

-  I can’t make time for myself if I don’t notice time is passing until I’m too tired to do anything so,  I guess I’ll have to get into a new routine of self-care early in the morning before everyone is up.

(Hmmm, now I wonder how I’ll do that last one??   Hubby’s up early, works a 10+ hour day & comes home late every night,  so we all stay up to see each other.    Well, this is definitely something we’ll have to work out . . . )

Oh sleep is a wonderful thing!  Went to bed with a rotten cold on Friday night & slept 18 hours a day on the weekend. (Rah.   Super-exciting 4th, oh yeah.   Rah.)   I missed all the fun, BBQ, &  fireworks but it was worth it to feel almost human again.  In my opinion, the only good thing about getting sick is that great ‘rebound’ feeling you get a day or two afterward where you feel really great, like you can do anything!  I’m definately looking forward to that!  (But I’ll really have to watch myself like a hawk so I don’t overdo–that’s a major problem of mine at times! )    ;-D

So I got in a good 20 min stretch this morning & baked my stealth-healthy banana bread for my 8 year-old son (max protein, low-fat, tons of omega-3s  etc & yes! I did have a piece, but he licked the bowl).  Then I got busy & worked on my neglected financials, class curriculum, scheduling, & emails.  Ouch!  Sitting at the computer for more than 1/2 hour at a time makes me walk like I’m 110 years old!  Yikes!  I guess I better get a timer to set while I’m working as I tend to get lost in what I’m doing for hours at a time.

Starting tomorrow morning, my son has a yoga class which is taught by a friend of ours so I’m going to sit in the back & stretch & follow along with the kids as much as feels good.  After 8 rounds of  various physical therapies over the years I’m pretty good at knowing what’s a ‘good’ kind of pain & a ‘bad’ kind so I’ll just continue to work on my flexibility while being extra careful, since my body’s so badly out of whack.

I received my 1st contact from Lauren at Renew Integrative Health Center on Friday & the group will be contacting me this week.  Kate has been assigned as my patient advocate, which I think is very nice.  After looking over their website & seeing the array of services offered–& knowing that a big issue in improving my health has been a lack of communication & respect between my previous doctors/practitioners–I feel comforted to know that my health issues will be coordinated & if something isn’t working out, all my providers will know of it immediately.

So, since I can’t wait to get started, I sent Lauren a brief summary of my health issues, supplements, medication, etc to answer some of their basic questions, & help them in their planning.  Yuck!  It’s really discouraging to write it all down & see all the junk that I’m dealing with right now, although I can see how so much of it is inter-related.  Pain, stress, sleep & energy issues–obviously they are an integrated part of my ‘circle of inertia’.   Double-yuck!!

I remind myself  this is just another reason to be happy that I was chosen to participate in this Challenge–the direction of my inertia has the force of habit driving it & I need a force greater than my intertia to knock me into a new direction! Well, I can’t think of a better slap to the backside than having great support (Renew; Trudi, Patti, & David at Ch10) coupled with public accountability (egad!  whatever shall I say in my blog–or what might get caught on tape– if I don’t stay on my path!)  It’s soooo embarrassing that I need such a drastic push right now, but the groove of putting my family & our finances first & myself at the bottom of my to-do list is deep and well-worn.  So I’m hugely greatful to get such a terriffic boost & I know I’ll be making all the progress I possibly can over the next six months.  More than enough enough progress to get new habits firmly & deeply entrenched!  (I think I can, I think I can . . . )

One thing I know will be on the top of my list is to regain my flexibility, muscle strength, physical endurance, & aerobic endurance.  So I guess I’ve got lots of swimming, walking, hiking, weight-lifting, & yoga or other flexibility & posture training in my future.  Hey!  Writing that down suddenly makes me say, “Let’s Go, I’m READY!!” I love to hike & walk!  Mind/body work is very relaxing and energizing!  And although boring, I can find swimming & weightlifitng almost zen-like if I put myself in the proper, positive frame of mind.  (Plus, I can always listen to an audio book!)

If I close my eyes & really think back, my body remembers how good I feel when it’s fit–my pain is dramatically less & I have lots of energy & enthusiasm for life!    It’s been way too long since I felt good & my hubby & son are really missing that side of me (they tell me constantly).  No to mention our huge, goofy, lab-mix misses going on walks & hikes with me too– he brings his leash with soulful eyes whenever he sees me put on walking shoes!

So, I resolve that wheneverI get discouraged, I will keep reminding myself that regaining my health will not only be to my ultimate benefit, but to my family’s harmony & well-being as well.  I will deeply imagine how I will feel once again when I’m more flexible & fit, using my body’s memory of the past as my guide & inspiration.  I will put the time for myself  on my schedule as top priority (my friend reminds me that I’ve got to put my oxygen mask on first–trite but true).  And I will hold myself to a steady pace, one day at a time, so I don’t blow it & overdo when I begin to feel better, like I’ve done too often in the past.

OK.  I’m ready, I think I’m set, I’ve started, can I GO now?   ;-D